It’s ok to be me

A facebook post about body image and considered acceptance, rather than assessment and judgement, planted the seed for today’s thoughts.

-=-

Struggling with my thoughts
Realising that just perhaps my challenge at the moment
Is just keeping them neutral
away from all the negative past-present frustrations
Just staying away from what aggravates & frustrates me,
Knowing that isn’t constructive and only makes it worse
Just learning it’s ok to be me
Whoever that is at the moment
No labels
no criticism
no preconceptions
no expectations.
Just some neutrality
amidst the chaos of negativity.

It’s scary to think
that I haven’t really travelled very far
internally
the last few years,
But I can observe those thoughts
knowing my attitude is a reflection of my health
which is so low at the moment,
And know right now
in even a small way
that is progress.

Every day
that I find the strength
to be neutral
instead of crying and hurting,
is learning that it’s okay
to be who I am today
to accept whatever manifests
to believe I can cope.
New strength
in minute amounts
but something new!
To maybe
eventually
break some old habits
of negativity bias.

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Emptiness

Life has been especially rough, more so than normal, the last few months. Abdominal pain undiagnosed despite many tests and hospital visits. The doctors say “great, it’s nothing serious” yet offer no real help to my ongoing discomfort. Now labelled Irritable Bowel Syndrome because nothing else suits. A leftover diagnosis.

Coupled with the stress of a 19 year relationship changing. Never what I thought it would be, and wondering what it yet might be. My body & spirit have been through the battles and worn down.

But the more I talk about my health, the more people assist with sharing their similar experiences and helpful advice. So a future of promise, just perhaps, a glimmer of hope, awaits, for those brave enough to reach out and grab hold.

– ♥ –

Emptiness
Hollow
Where are those emotions
that have been bursting within
for so long?

The loss
of feeling
Such a strange sensation
But it was all pain before
Now quiet.

Rest
Respite
Open to the positive
now
Gathering love
slowly
building up
a reservoir,
Anticipating
fulfillment.