Questions of Direction.

Questioning in my head
From my heart
Who am I?
Stepping back from the path
I re-survey my vicinity
Much confusing pain around here
And many treasures
Seeing where the light has shone on me
And the rough patches of stumbling.
Perhaps it is true
The life of a writer is all this
It cannot be any other way
Embrace all that inspires and drives you
Blatantly and silently.
There is a balance within
To travel this path
With Zen flow
Accepting it all
Letting oneself be moulded
Whilst standing in higher consciousness.
With that visualisation before me
My heart cries over lack of faith
Lack of patience.
Then, as I breath
The voice comes to me
This is it. Right now
The moment for you to rise
And just let it all happen
Place the intention in your heart
It’s all about attitude.

===

I write to get the questions out of my head.
Do my answers serve me well?

Journey. 5

It doesn’t matter what I achieve compared to others
It doesn’t matter the person I am, or am not, compared to others
What matters is the effort I make to always move forwards in love
What matters is my truth, deep within me – my honest loving heart
What matters is that I work to make the world a better place for everyone I have contact with
Caring for myself is not selfish, it is the priority, so that I have energy to share with the world
At times there may be a fine line between strength and exhaustion – everyone experiences this at times.
Then you must choose how much to turn in and how much to share out.
This is recharge time. Make it that and only that.
Take the time to nurture yourself in all the ways you know how.
This is the quiet way forwards when you feel like stopping. Some days momentum is the gentlest breeze past your ear, and other days momentum is swirling along with rushing water.
Take them all for what they are, different energies for different days.
And for now, take comfort in these truths.
Find your energy level and move with it.

(21 July 2016)

Journey. 4

It’s time to tell the truth
To myself
I’ve been lying for so long
Making up excuses
Believing hurtful words.
It’s time to hear the truth
Deep within my soul
That others have echoed
That will make me whole.
I am enough
I am already all that I need
Love maintains the fire in my core
Love surrounds me
Friends surround me with their love
as they appreciate the person I am.
There is no emptiness here
Only forgetfulness
Just remember
Love.

(20 July 2016)

Journey. 3

And then I’m reminded “you are love, you are all that you need”. And as I contemplate these words, gentle answers come:

Maybe you don’t have the words for yourself today. But you have trust. You have hope. You have love. All these are already inside you, they ARE you. Be content in the knowledge that what you need is already available to you.

And with these words, I see that I have the answers. They just weren’t the answers I was expecting.

(20 July 2016)

Not Quite a Meditation.

It’s okay to struggle
It’s okay to not have answers
It’s okay to not even know the questions.
See yourself getting up,
and taking one step forwards,
away from your thoughts
Where you are now is in the present
It is a good place to be
Let the moment guide you,
give you ideas,
give you a moment’s – breathing space.
Breathe,
That is good as well
There is strength in a breath
Let each breath carry away your thoughts
Let your mind be calm
Let your shoulders drop into rest
And let your body relax
Relax into each breath.
Where you are right now, is a good place,
a safe place.

At some point,
I lose my quiet space.
Life grabs hold of me, gently,
and pushes me around
I feel uncomfortable
I feel nauseous
I feel a pull towards frustration and anger.
I breathe
I focus on what matters to me,
not on what life suggests “should” matter.
Feelings pass eventually
Tiredness arrives,
the sort you can only push away for a few hours.
Caring for myself urges into priority
Plans for the day become questions instead
“What am I capable of today?”
“What do I need to do for myself?”
“How is my energy best spent?”
I decide to step forwards,
out of this moment,
and see what the day brings.

Leading The Way.

Choosing a positive approach to the day
Makes a difference, even now, Half an hour away
As words of encouragement, and courage
Fly in from the other side of the earth
While, the frightened cry inside is heard again
Ashamed of yesterday’s failures and pain
Tipping the balance from one side to other
Refocus and push on, lest emotions take over
Again. Some days I have this control at heart
Some days seem doomed from the start
Little choices direct each moment along
Today I focus and pretend to be strong

And Then a Voice.

She was looking at me
Speaking
Although I couldn’t hear the words
I could see a face shape
Her generous hair
But the haze of my semi-dream state
Left particulars indistinct

Lie to me
Tell me everything will be ok
Make me believe you
Say anything that will take me away from here
Guide and transport this lost soul
Create hope

Then a voice came
“Only you can make the changes you need to, Whatever they are.”

Silver Linings – Day 15.

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“The Hummingbird Speaks.”

This is not a problem
This is a situation
That requires care
attention
and mindfulness
Let go of causes
blame
and pity
They are not your concern
Focus on a loving way
Supporting
This precious body
mind
and spirit
That experiences it all

I know this is difficult
The challenge
is not to survive
But to thrive through it all
To be truly alive
No matter what

You have proven
that finding
silver linings in each day
Is achievable
With a little focus
Now find a way
To truly live each day
For a time
Be surprised
By the energy it creates
Not the energy it takes

Let this new focus
Guide you
Let this new challenge
Give your life back

.

Surprised by an exhausted day, mostly in bed. Got up this morning, but I don’t exactly remember what happened. It’s all a bit of a delirious blur until about 3pm.

I didn’t fret about it. Maybe I was too tired for anything other than acceptance. But I remember directing myself away from “woe is me” thoughts at some point in the morning and searching for a helpful state of mind.

So I opened myself up to guidance while feeling the struggle, and received these words above from my better self.

For more about the hummingbird state read this.

Grateful today for an opportunity to rest and inner guidance that draws me forwards with positivity.

What do you say to yourself when you are struggling?

And Insecurity Fades.

How we react to early events
The decisions we make in child minds
They can stick with us for life.

They can also be changed
Our brain reprogrammed
In ways that are kinder to adult minds.

Oh yes the feelings are strong
We don’t want to change
Emotions are the strongest part of a memory
The very fears we try to avoid
Would have us avoid the change
Just doing their job.

The ego takes control
“Give me your attention”
“Love me”
“Do this my way”
But it’s nature will never be satisifed
It’s disappointments drag you down.

This is not who you are
Your true self wants to lead
The ego’s strength grows in battle
So laugh at how it manipulates you
While never being satisfied, instead
Let the quietness inside you be the guide.

.

[ this poem is inspired by Vonita’s post Insecurity ]