Unable To Name.

Complicated emotional entanglements
I feel without really knowing why
Loose threads of event connections
Touch and spark synaptic reactions
Pull me sideways off the path
Into unknown territory of experience uncertainty

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[digital art by me, inspired by these words]

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Unexpected Tears.

Tears form
glisten my eyes
saltwater swells
runs down my face
where is this from
so much going on
tired, worries
for others and myself
rather overwhelming
but learning
to stop
and give
myself time
myself space
myself acceptance
of this
place.
Change
new patterns
practice patience
learning to live
without pushing myself
so damn much.
Who is watching
judging me
only me
and that is what
must stop.

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Happy Sad.

I can’t face being sad
And letting others know
It just feels wrong, because
I want the world to be a brighter place
Not dragged down
By feelings like mine.
That’s what I learnt growing up
From the reactions
and actions of others
Well, my interpretation anyway.

I can’t face being sad
And not letting others know
It just feels wrong, because
dishonesty is not what I want to be
And hiding away my feelings
Just hurts – just hurts.
Pretending to be happy
never brought me to that state
Rather, making an effort to participate
Brought the energy that bears happiness.

I can’t face being sad
But I’m slowly learning
That what I feel and think
Is not always an accurate reflection
of a given situation
And more difficultly,
The imperative of unlearning
all the old lessons
That were so uneducatedly given.

I can’t face being sad
So one day I chose
To be vulnerable
And open up about my feelings
To a friend
Who showed me acceptance,
understanding and support
And now I am both unlearning
and learning at the same time.

.

[ this was sparked by Pooky’s Poetry Prompt 57 – Write a poem which explores how it feels to put a brave face on things; and every word is truth ]

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Missing Pieces.

I miss you
Words that seem
so little to mean
Hollow response
all I feel from you

I miss
Feeling the love
reflected back
many times a day
where has that gone?

I miss
The energy
bouncing back and forth
enlivening encouraging
connection is gone

Missing pieces
Weakening the whole
Lurching brokenness
Failing emotions
Crumbling apart

Thoughts Severing.

Every day                          (after day after day)
That I hurt                         (in silence and hate)
About this relationship                       (and you)
Justifiably                              (in my own mind)
Without response                     (that I can see)
Cuts deeper than before          (imperceptibly)
Leaves me wondering                   (constantly)
When completely severed                         (off)
Will I feel                                           (anything)
Heavier or Lighter?            (or anything at all?)

What Is There To See?

1.
I used to see everything so clearly
Now I don’t see much at all
Liar

2.
I was blind to so much
Still struggling to comprehend what happens around me
I see it all, but most of it means nothing to me

3.
Moments of clear vision
Rare and fleeting
Surrounded by fog

4.
In blindness
You rely on others so much
for guidance and comprehension

5.
If I could see my future
Would I be paralysed
or energised?

.

[ my loose response to Pooky’s Poetry Prompt 51 – Loss of sense ]

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Transition.

I sense movement

Feel the changes

The decision was made

To head this way

Assisted transformation.


Uneasy at first

Upheaval brought

Through the grey fog

Direction was sought

Physical and mental adjustment.


Only eight days

Already crawling out

Into a lightness

A nearby brightness

Struggling less to smell the sweet air.