Being True To Yourself.

For many of us
It does not come easily
To listen to yourself
And act accordingly

Lives spent coping
Or to others reacting
We learnt to survive
Not thinking and acting

So little by little
Of moments be aware
Listen when your heart
Does its wishes declare

Maybe to speak
Or to act in some way
That is for yourself
The truth for today

Never let that moment pass
Without action taking
And later feel warm glow
From self love creating

.

[thankyou to MsTranquility for the inspiration this time.]

The Date is Set.

Next Tuesday
New Year’s Eve
His Birthday
Final goodbyes.

Family rung
Friends contacted
Notice in the paper
Interstate arrivals.

Final resting place
With his parents
In the country
Near his hometown.

Weather forecast
Hot and dry
As he always preferred
Shade will be required.

Seeing him go
Is not painful
I dressed his body
For this rest.

He’s not here anymore
The little changes,
missing him,
are what hurt the most.

Mediocre Life.

I want to feel closer (to you) than I do. Why? Because it doesn’t feel good enough, fulfilling enough, to be worth the effort that goes in. Am I being selfish? What’s selfish about wanting life to be fulfilling, wanting life to have meaning?

If I don’t really feel a relationship anymore, then what has it become?
Many things have changed on both sides, whether or not that is realised.
I am aware, I am observant, and I feel deeply, so when those feelings fade something significant has taken place. Whether suddenly or slowly matters not. Where we are now matters most. Where we want to be matters much.

The uncomfortableness starts from deep inside. How long has it been there? Probably longer than I realise. I suspect it influences how I am, who I am, with you. Which will influence your “with me” as well, whether you realise that or not.

I know all these things. I see all these changes. I feel all this. I cannot un-feel, I cannot un-know, I cannot forget what I see.

I let these observational feelings direct me. That may not be for the best, but it is who I am. Because I feel, they effect me. Because I feel, they push me. Because I feel, I seek what I want. I seek what will make me whole. I seek what I feel I am. My insight is feeling. My emotional feelings are my guide.

Do I have reason not to trust my feelings? I can only trust what I know is real. How I feel is real. How I feel may change, but this moment is as real as my feelings. My feelings are as real as this moment. My feelings are as fleeting as this moment. This moment recurs, comes back, familiar and unsettling as always. These unsettling feelings are me, are mine. Would that they could be otherwise.

To find calm, to find myself amidst the feelings. Can I pull myself out of these feelings and really be who I am? Oh to be free of the feelings and just to be me. Not tugged or pushed in any direction, not missing nor lacking, not wishing or striving, but being me without anyone else. Without interference, a clean clear signal that carries forever. I am. I be.

If you are not here with me you are not of me. If you orbit around me without sharing the energy, we cannot combine. We cannot create a new element without giving up ourself.
There would still be you and me, but ultimately the significance would be us. The whole greater than the sum of the individuals. Is this not what coming together is for? Is this not the creation we are capable of?

Lofty goals, meet achievable mediocrity. Freedom, meet fear. Wishes, meet reality. I wish for freedom to reach my lofty goals. The reality of fears reaches mediocrity.

Mediocre

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You collapsed on the bed

A phone call
in the middle of the night
A sleepy blur
A dash

Letting myself in
I saw, you on the floor
Surrounded by ambulance officers
and medical equipment

Nothing to do
But wait
Talk
Comfort

I’m sorry, she said
There’s been no response
after forty minutes
He’s gone

Lying there so still
No movement
Not even a heartbeat
Yet calm and Peaceful

You said you were ready
No fear
Just acceptance
Your faith was strong

I held your hand
Just like in the hospital
Beneath a white sheet
Touch to remember

We selected pyjamas
And dressed you then
Talked to you
Closed your eyes
Dignity

Then they came
And took you away
With care and respect
Goodbye, for now

Good Stress

I just listened to a great Ted talk during my lunch break and it is worthy of sharing with you all:

Here is the talk by Kelly, recommended viewing:
http://www.ted.com/talks/kelly_mcgonigal_how_to_make_stress_your_friend.html

Here is a blog summary version:
http://blog.ted.com/2013/09/04/could-stress-be-good-for-you-recent-research-that-suggests-it-has-benefits/

And I will share with you my key points, consider these and make adjustments to your own beliefs:

Stress may only be bad for you, if you believe that to be the case.
See stress as your body rising to the challenge and equipping you to cope.

Chasing meaning is better for your health than trying to avoid discomfort.
(Go after what ever it is that creates meaning in your life, and then trust yourself to handle the stress that follows.)

Afternoon with Dad.

Spent the afternoon there
Watching him sitting
and asleep in the chair

Sometimes we spoke
A lot I just sat
Touching his arm

Watching limbs twitch
Seeing fingers shake
Feeling muscle spasm

Reclining the chair for him
then upright again
Moving pillows

Eyes open, words
don’t make sense
context confused

Clear question
I hear, but
is he confused?

Legs swollen
but face hollow
such contrast

Remembering him as before
Remembering him right now
Which memories will last?

A Moment in Time – 9:16 a.m. on 12/21/13

I’m going to be writing about a particular moment in time this Saturday morning. Please join in.

A String of Pearls

The next A Moment in Time is on Saturday, December 21 at 9:16 a.m.

A Moment in TimeHere is how A Moment in Time works.

1. I will provide a time–an exact moment on a specific day–for bloggers to be aware of, to think about what they are/were doing right then and whether it’s significant enough, in some way, to be written about and added to the list. Each new day and moment will be provided via a regular blog post as well as at the bottom of the A Moment in Timepage.

2. Sometime after that moment passes, write your post. Title it with this format:  9:16 a .m. on 12/21/13

3. Let your readers know how to find the A Moment in Time prompt by providing a link to this post so that they can learn more about it and participate themselves. If it’s easier, just copy and paste the blurb below.

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