Some words must be blocked out
Their dark, desperate,
Disrupts the thine line
That I walk each day.
As they creep from the silence
I seek noise, distraction
Push away the pressure
Leaving space for light.
Found outside in the sunshine
With the wind through my hair
As I glide along greenways
Pathways to sanity,
There are no shortcuts
I know no easy way
to traverse time.
Just this time I find my way
Following the hand
leading me along the light
Holding your hand tight
Holding what feels right.
The sum of all I’ve ever done
My everyday actions
All that I want to do
So much more that you don’t immediately see
unless you take the time to look beneath
the forces that drive me.
See all that I might be
Potential is attractive
Is it enough to propel me forwards?
Do I need your belief in me to believe in myself?
Your point of view helps me see
the glimpse of what I can be
Unrestrained and free.
[ 27Sept2017 ]
Pushing forward, through regret
Create my path of hope of joy
This pain around is life’s, not mine
To follow this heart will be my ploy
[ Woman Thinking – Etude. sketch by Frédéric Forest ]
I think about myself tonight
About what has been going through my thoughts lately
And I’m left wondering why I’m so hard on myself
Judgemental. Harsh. Critical.
Where is the love for myself
That I so freely give to others?
What have I learnt, that makes me this way?
I see damage
I see the effect it has on me
And it brings me to tears.
How can I hold so much hate in my heart?
How can I direct so much negativity at myself?
I would feel ashamed, but I know that is just more judgement coming out
So I sit here on the floor, in silent contemplation
Attempting to be open to any answers
Listening for a voice of reason to rise out from the chaos
And I just feel
I know that loving myself is a requirement
But it’s surrounded with Should, Must, and Have-to
And that just doesn’t help at all.
I give it a label
Compartmentalise myself into a box
Contain the problem
And I know that is exactly the wrong approach
Punishment is not the path to freedom.
Some sort of openness
Freedom to let me exist within mistakes
Where errors are not a crime
Somewhere there, is where I will benefit.
No certainty, no answers
Only the call of my heart
Each space sings beauty sings eternal
Each letter matters to my soul
Each word speaks of infinite possibility
Each sentence forms a guardian wall
Each page brings comfort and connection
Each book is a life shared
(29 February 2016)
[ 6 connected sixwordstories ]
I don’t cry tears down my face
That’s not my place
My emotions well up in words
Until I am heard
I’m not writing for play
Nor public display
Everything I feel is distilled
My needs fulfilled
Refined and placed in order
No clear border
This is total communication
Of my situation
This is the only way to express
My head’s a mess
Searching for a confirmation
This mental fixation
I need all this acknowledged
In some way solid
Needing comfort and support
That I was never taught
It’s my own cry for assistance
Shorten the distance
Between us, keep me close by
Until I can cry.
I want to cry
All the hurt I feel
All the pain that
Tears at my heart and mind
My heart is heavy
It drags me down
Into the warm bed
Where I sink and sleep
Heavy eyelids flicker
Morse code for my mind
The restart message
Over and over until
A moving body gets up
Poetry ignites my mind
Revives my heart
Fills my lungs to breathe again
When I’m left alone with thoughts defective
When the medication seems ineffective
When I’m unable to describe the anguish I feel
When you can’t see a symptom to make it real
When I give up on living and fight to stay
When neither of us knows what to say
When I can’t motivate myself to proceed
When the future brings only anxiety
When I would let harm come to my body
Just to prove to myself, and others, this isn’t phoney
Where is life?