Dire Deprecation.

Incoherent thoughts keep awake the mind
busy with possibilities and desires
but feeling nothing more than an echo
of resting in warm sunshine.
Too much; battles not enough
While forgotten promises fade with the sunset.
I went there with best intentions
but eagerness overtook capability
and the shadow of regret constantly follows.
Searching for myself amidst the mourning
Disappointment dictates disastrous decisions
Delaying development and draining discourse
Dictated details of dire deprecation
and Deception dangles decency in front of dishonesty.
All I am
is much less
and so much more.

The Timelessness of Care

I can’t change the world
Can’t make it a good place for everybody
But not even Superman could
Because people mess up
And ultimately you can’t make anybody change
So I let my positive influence
extend to those around me
Friends, family, and random daily interactions
Because that is what I believe in
The power to make the world a better place
One human interaction at a time
Except for the days I don’t care for myself enough
The days I feel the emotional weight
of the whole world on my shoulders
Inner strength crumbles away
I can be me, but
It’s exhausting and heartbreaking
As a war of balance battles inside
I don’t ask for help because
The energy isn’t there
A brain so distracted by surviving that it’s
Forgotten about healthy living
Occupied distracting myself from the pain
Unable to acknowledge difficult truths
because there is nothing left to heal with
Drained
Hurt
Twisted inward to protect from outside
Hands touch me
but they don’t reach in far enough
through the tough outer shell
In this moment of terror, how do I move forward
Breaking out of the darkness is a dream
Being free is an impossibility
Wait
Hope
That is all there is.