It’s been a busy week with lack of sleep and some emotional realisations, and I am thankful for:
- Positive energy and self belief to propel myself through each day at a time.
- A senior pet rabbit (Mr.Poppy) who takes his arthritis medication every time even though it tastes unpleasant. I put the pieces of tablet inside a dried sultana and give him his fresh vegetables straight after. He is adapting so well to old age.
- A cheeky pet rabbit (Nigella) who despite being unable to spend close time with her housemate, will come to me for attention and settle down, eyes closed, enjoying the moment. It works both ways.
- Access to fresh, quality vegetables, eggs and fish. Most of it produced locally or interstate. Much of it organic. I don’t have to worry about the chemicals that are used in food production in nearby countries and then cheaply imported.
- Good friends within my social groups, who are always ready for a good chat and are receptive when I need to honestly express myself. Good friends who bring laughter and fun into my social life when I have difficulty finding that within.
- Emotional breathing space, that let me find again some lost inner truth, that let me see important messages clearly, that gives me hope whatever the outcome.
- Online/overseas friends (Hi Abbie) with who I can share my deepest pain and confusion and receive understanding and love in return.
- Creatively brainstorming and collaborating with similar creative people (Hi again Abbie) that challenges my routine and comfort zone and ultimately leaves me feeling more fulfilled.
- A flexible work environment that lets me have slow, late mornings, and take time to sit and write as the need arises.
- Local friends who I trust and believe, who encourage me when I need to hear it, and who tell me I am loved and valued when I need to hear it.
I am thankful for the opportunity to realise gratitude in my life.
What are you thankful today?
Doubt within my heart
Swells with the questioning of myself
Questions that spark from
Emotional Relational turmoil
No-one else expresses them
So why do I create them?
[ thanks to @mandy.steward for the question prompt that sparked this and @quietnoticing for the background image ]
It doesn’t matter what I achieve compared to others
It doesn’t matter the person I am, or am not, compared to others
What matters is the effort I make to always move forwards in love
What matters is my truth, deep within me – my honest loving heart
What matters is that I work to make the world a better place for everyone I have contact with
Caring for myself is not selfish, it is the priority, so that I have energy to share with the world
At times there may be a fine line between strength and exhaustion – everyone experiences this at times.
Then you must choose how much to turn in and how much to share out.
This is recharge time. Make it that and only that.
Take the time to nurture yourself in all the ways you know how.
This is the quiet way forwards when you feel like stopping. Some days momentum is the gentlest breeze past your ear, and other days momentum is swirling along with rushing water.
Take them all for what they are, different energies for different days.
And for now, take comfort in these truths.
Find your energy level and move with it.
(21 July 2016)
It’s time to tell the truth
I’ve been lying for so long
Making up excuses
Believing hurtful words.
It’s time to hear the truth
Deep within my soul
That others have echoed
That will make me whole.
I am enough
I am already all that I need
Love maintains the fire in my core
Love surrounds me
Friends surround me with their love
as they appreciate the person I am.
There is no emptiness here
(20 July 2016)
And then I’m reminded “you are love, you are all that you need”. And as I contemplate these words, gentle answers come:
Maybe you don’t have the words for yourself today. But you have trust. You have hope. You have love. All these are already inside you, they ARE you. Be content in the knowledge that what you need is already available to you.
And with these words, I see that I have the answers. They just weren’t the answers I was expecting.
(20 July 2016)
Just a reminder
in case you have forgotten…
You are brave.
You are loved.
You are valued.
You are enough.
You are worthy.
You are seen…
& you have Never been forgotten.
This world can be ugly.
This life can be hard.
But always and forever…
there is Hope.
& you are never alone.
Keep holding on.
(19 July 2016)
Words from @oncomingalive
Each day this week I have made two steps forward, despite some individual step backs. I have defined a new positive framework for my thinking. And yet today I am aware of a distinct lack of self support or believable positive encouragement. It stands out in the midst of my otherwise positive focus. Exactly how do I find these words that I feel I need? Words that I never learnt as a child. Words that have been missing so much from my life. This morning my heart feels so empty, as a lonely sadness fills me.
Today I don’t remember. Today I want to rely on myself but find mostly emptiness instead.
(20 July 2016)
I feel rejection
In the smallest disconnection
My heart craves affection
While I’m searching for direction
(Sunday 17 July 2016)
Into the night we roam
through dark and moonlight slivers
cold faces shiver
but warm hands hold tight to each other
Some days I am fearful for what feels likely to come
Fearful for the pain I experience
Fearful for feeling unable to cope
Fearful for wanting to give up
Fearful for a body and mind that collapse and fail me,
that abandon me where I stand,
leaving me naked and alone.