Journey. 5

It doesn’t matter what I achieve compared to others
It doesn’t matter the person I am, or am not, compared to others
What matters is the effort I make to always move forwards in love
What matters is my truth, deep within me – my honest loving heart
What matters is that I work to make the world a better place for everyone I have contact with
Caring for myself is not selfish, it is the priority, so that I have energy to share with the world
At times there may be a fine line between strength and exhaustion – everyone experiences this at times.
Then you must choose how much to turn in and how much to share out.
This is recharge time. Make it that and only that.
Take the time to nurture yourself in all the ways you know how.
This is the quiet way forwards when you feel like stopping. Some days momentum is the gentlest breeze past your ear, and other days momentum is swirling along with rushing water.
Take them all for what they are, different energies for different days.
And for now, take comfort in these truths.
Find your energy level and move with it.

(21 July 2016)

Journey. 4

It’s time to tell the truth
To myself
I’ve been lying for so long
Making up excuses
Believing hurtful words.
It’s time to hear the truth
Deep within my soul
That others have echoed
That will make me whole.
I am enough
I am already all that I need
Love maintains the fire in my core
Love surrounds me
Friends surround me with their love
as they appreciate the person I am.
There is no emptiness here
Only forgetfulness
Just remember
Love.

(20 July 2016)

Journey. 3

And then I’m reminded “you are love, you are all that you need”. And as I contemplate these words, gentle answers come:

Maybe you don’t have the words for yourself today. But you have trust. You have hope. You have love. All these are already inside you, they ARE you. Be content in the knowledge that what you need is already available to you.

And with these words, I see that I have the answers. They just weren’t the answers I was expecting.

(20 July 2016)

Journey. 2

Just a reminder
in case you have forgotten…
You are brave.
You are loved.
You are valued.
You are enough.
You are worthy.
You are seen…
& you have Never been forgotten.
This world can be ugly.
This life can be hard.
But always and forever…
there is Hope.
& you are never alone.
Keep holding on.

(19 July 2016)
Words from @oncomingalive

Tug-Of-War.

  
As the tug-of-war flares up inside me
I feel both, the forwards momentum, and
The screaming fear pulling me back
“That way hurts”; “That way is unknown, scary”
And many other words, whispered so secretly I can’t quite make them out
Being so exhausted, it’s too easy to let go and be pulled back
When did I last win this game anyway?
The joy and energy of victory are long forgotten.
Yet others join in on my side, grab the rope and pull for a while
Close friends, online friends, strangers,
Who all have my best interests at heart
Others who believe in me
While I try so hard to feel their faith,
To feed off the encouragement they give
And for the strangest time, I feel so little.

Trying To Make Sense.

20150404-005553.jpg

Some things make no sense
Some things don’t kill you
Some things don’t make you stronger
Some things break you in ways that may never heal
Do you really believe this, is it what you feel?
I want to believe that there is always recovery
That there is always redemption
That there are still undiscovered ways to be free(d)
That there is hope for me and especially for you
That there is some future worth all the pain
An existence with meaning and purpose
Somewhere loved to retreat to
And somewhere loved to spring forth from

(4 April 2015)

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Wrote this poem tonight after reading the words by J. Raymond
What part of life do you struggle to make sense of?
What do you hope for?

Who am I?

The Trigger Story:
I was fortunate to attend a most wonderful wedding in the Adelaide Hills town of Hahndorf on Sunday. A garden wedding at the Bride’s parent’s house, with a long garden down to a dry creek, locks of green grass and shady trees. Perfect weather, warm, sunny with a light breeze. The perfect location for everyone to relax, barefoot on picnic rugs and cushions, with local wine and shared food platters.

I enjoyed the time catching up with my wife’s work colleagues, who I know quite well after a number of years, as well as the Groom’s brothers and friends. Meeting and talking with the familiar faces and a bunch of awesome new acquaintances. It was, for me, the perfect day to relax and the best wedding guest experience I have ever had and I heard a number of people express similar sentiments.

As a whole I had very good personal experiences from Friday night right through to Sunday evening. Experiences that reinforced positive aspects of myself and my vision for how I want life to be.

The following writing is what came out over the weekend from my myriad of experiences. It seeped out through my pores and presented itself secretly and boldly to me. It is very significant and I am unsure how to hold onto this revealed truth and keep it as the realest part of me.

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The Poem:
Occasionally I see the me
That I know I am wholeheartedly
That feels real and genuinely
The uncomplicated and free
Person that I wish to be.

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The Clear Thoughts:
I want to have people close around me that understand me or at least don’t belittle me, accept me without criticism, encourage me and question me in ways that propel me forwards. I want people around me that have my best interests at heart without any selfishness or ulterior motives.

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20150302-225805.jpgMy hat, my shoes, my bare foot, my glass of local sparkling Pinot Noir Rosé, the grass and other’s picnic blankets.

2015.

A new year
a glance back
move forwards
don’t backtrack

I don’t feel I have any wise words. I just have my story. Which thankfully, seems to be worthwhile, as is communicated to me on occasions. My story is made up of pieces from here and there, whatever catches my attention, and whatever my heart needs to say. Perhaps its my awareness, honesty, and fearlessness that makes it all come together.

What a great way to see the new year in. Around to a friend’s house mid afternoon. Catching up with a good group of more and less familiar faces. Fun and games, board games, card games. Carcassonne, That’s My Fish, Get Bit, Parade, and many games of Pairs. An Aussie BBQ dinner, everyone bringing food to share. Lots of desserts including Pavlova (a must), home-made apricot ice-cream and flaming brandy pudding. Serenaded by Scottish bagpipe tunes (gosh that instrument is loud) and tasty local wines to enjoy it all with.

So many laughs playing games, a great way to see out the old year and to start the new. So much has happened this year for me, much of it very negative. Mostly the physical & mental health issues. Struggling at work through grief, anxiety and depression. Relationships.

But there has been perhaps more positives this past year than ever before. Being supported so well by friends, family, and partner. Even those that don’t understand much have still been shining beacons of brightness through the dark times. Receiving some great and ongoing mental health support through a local clinic, with a therapist that I “clicked” with almost immediately. Invaluable guidance from online friends. A couple very special friends providing wonderful guidance and reminders to keep me on track. I am forever grateful for their assistance.

Other highlights included a chance to fly to the UK and visit my sister for 2 weeks, including a five day tour of some amazing Scottish countryside. Meeting a writing friend in London. Meeting a writing friend in Melbourne. Meeting a writing friend locally. Opportunities to explore my writing in different ways.

All slowly rediscovering more of myself. Learning more patience and self-acceptance…

(required sleep at 2:45am intervenes here, as my head bobs sideways and eyes shut of their own volition)

…Learning to lean on others and trust that the support I need is there when I need it. Learning to recognise the love that is there for me. Learning to recognise the connection that I crave which is there if I let it be.

So to all my friends – whether we’ve shared words or chatted electronically, caught up face to face, hugged closely or virtually, whether you are on another continent, interstate, in my city, or just a bicycle ride away – I thank you all for being in my life in that way, I do think of every one of you regularly (yes *you*).

May we all take strength from our connectedness, may we all feel the warmth of our guiding light, may we all be full of compassion and love for ourselves as well as each other.

May we all welcome this new year with hope, acceptance and courage.

My love to you all.

Your Gift.

I can’t find my hope
but you have it
and you write it
I heard you say it
And all these words
imparted hope
Their trails to me
Breadcrumbs on the path
out of the darkness.
On my own
fear blinded me
screamed at me
drowned out the world.
And your words floated by
left traces that I only saw
once I surfaced
and gasped for breath.
You never new
I never new
this would occur.
Know the power
of freeing your words,
Of gifting them
to the world
And forever let their echoes
find the hopeless,
through the cracks
in the walls

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[ dedicated to all of my wordpress friends, I know you will understand ]