Wholly Accepted.

  Do you ever feel
Out of place
Lost, alone
Surrounded by people
Who don’t understand?

There is a person
Or a group
Who welcome you
With all your ups and downs
All your talents and quirks

These are
Your truest friends
With support they embrace you
With understanding they carry you
With love they see you
As one of them.

Mostly Accepted. 


Today I can say, mostly
My body is accepted
Not perfect, but
Flexible, functional
Strong enough
Fit enough
Performs well enough
Not a luxury item
Reliable, sturdy
Ready for anything

Mind is sharp
Intelligent, funny
Caring, curious
Particular, practical
And passionate

A loving Heart
Emotional and personal
Knowing me
Knows it’s warmth
Beating solidly

These I attest
By everyday observation
Undisputed
With kindness
The whole me is here
Ready when you are

Emotional Mindfulness.

In response to a thought
Certain feelings kept returning
They felt like hurt and pain
So, I pushed them away
To focus on brighter, lighter energy.

But I remembered a friend’s words
“One emotion at a time,
feel it, explore it, face it,
own it, conquer it.”

So, I stopped being frightened
These feelings became observable
And their power lessened
I took back a certain control
To let myself think and feel
With a renewed free-ness.

(12 February 2015)

[ Thanks to eledette for the wisest words to me this week ]

Supanova Friends.

Not out of bed and already
I’m hiding away today,
away from the pain.
But I will choose not to.
I will choose to feel the pain completely.
To push out in the opposite direction.
An experiment in being totally vulnerable.
I will not cover up or mask my feelings.
I will own them and travel with them today
and maybe I will find my way through this.

Feel the pain.
Journey with it today.
Don’t despise it.
Love it and learn from it.

===

My “mission statement” for today. I shared this via messages to friends, before getting up and heading out and meeting them at a pop culture expo in town.

One responded with “And I will hold your hand and catch you if you stumble”. I am grateful for my amazing friends.

I would have liked to just spend time resting and quietly being with some of them today, but there was much to see and do and 12 year olds to be kept busy.

I had a great day again, like yesterday, connecting with Artists and craftists and people in costume. I gave to them and they reciprocated energy back and we all parted a little lighter and happier than before.

I love people. Its so easy to open up to people you haven’t met before but have common interests with.

I did not struggle with the pain while I was out. It did not exist because my energy levels were somewhere else altogether. In a good way, I was not me. But at the same time I was wholely and honestly me. I was being someone so far away from the pain, that coming back to it at home was quite strange.

Even being home I acted through the pain by accepting it and pushing myself gently to some outside tidying up activities in the warm evening air.

I feel that I negotiated my day successfully. I have no regrets for today, only valuable lessons learnt through hard work.

It’s ok to be me

A facebook post about body image and considered acceptance, rather than assessment and judgement, planted the seed for today’s thoughts.

-=-

Struggling with my thoughts
Realising that just perhaps my challenge at the moment
Is just keeping them neutral
away from all the negative past-present frustrations
Just staying away from what aggravates & frustrates me,
Knowing that isn’t constructive and only makes it worse
Just learning it’s ok to be me
Whoever that is at the moment
No labels
no criticism
no preconceptions
no expectations.
Just some neutrality
amidst the chaos of negativity.

It’s scary to think
that I haven’t really travelled very far
internally
the last few years,
But I can observe those thoughts
knowing my attitude is a reflection of my health
which is so low at the moment,
And know right now
in even a small way
that is progress.

Every day
that I find the strength
to be neutral
instead of crying and hurting,
is learning that it’s okay
to be who I am today
to accept whatever manifests
to believe I can cope.
New strength
in minute amounts
but something new!
To maybe
eventually
break some old habits
of negativity bias.