Feeling that I’ve forgotten so much
Because I can remember so little
of the details from years past
from apparently significant years
that others recall.
And I don’t know why that is
My mind supposes and questions
Trauma, pain, wanting to forget?
Or do I as an emotional person
focus memories on emotions
feelings and experiences
that I feel strongly?
Why the difference – or
have I been focussed on differences
rather than embracing variety?
Difference was pressed upon me
as a child. Therefore wanting
to be the same became a focus
Problematic relationships enhanced
my perceptions of separateness
within and without
Preceded by the complexities of
brain chemistry imbalance.
And right there again
Compared to most others.
Remembering enough to know
that feeling different
for most of my life
Leaves a mark this is difficult to
Why would I want to do that?
Why deny who I am for the sake of
And then through many experiences
learning, by facing up to the pain
by braving new experiences
instead of repeating old patterns
Pushing past subconscious influences
Deciding and choosing for myself
what benefits me
Not what I wanted others to feel
Letting go of the old memories
Choosing to focus
on new memorable experiences.
Now, for the first time I can remember
Feeling less separated
Finding a kindred spirit with whom
everything is normal, accepted, loved.
And remembering a little more
Being able to recall without pain
Brings a union to the everyday.
I remember sharing more than before
I remember to be myself with others
Remembering bravery, love
Remembering to care for myself
as I care for those closest to me.
Remembering to love within as without.