Advice You Never Asked For.

I admit I don’t know your full story. 

But I encourage you to write because of my own experiences of that being a hugely beneficial path to take. 

When I was depressed for years, 

frequently suicidal, for years

when writing was my only emotional outlet, I pushed through it all and eventually pushed out through all the hurt into something that was truly a little bit beautiful amidst the terrible darkness. 

It was on the advice of a dear friend I started blogging. Fear made me keep it anonymous. But what I met was a writing community that embraced me and encouraged me in every way. I found friends who taught me about understanding and grief, about strength and persistence, about discovery and perseverance.

And I am forever grateful for that experience. 

I see now how I pushed myself through the fear. Partly out of fear of the darkness, but mostly because ALWAYS inside me, no matter what other shit was going on, there was the tiniest spark of light that guided me onwards. Perhaps it was a genetic gift from my mother, of hope or optimism. Perhaps it was the repeated words of a few close friends who reminded me during those darkest times that it wouldn’t last, that life will get better, that I deserved better, that just hanging on for another minute is all I needed to do in the moment. 

How can I not be grateful for experiencing that genuine expression of love from people I’ve only known for a few years?!

And now it’s my time to shine for myself, and for others. It’s my time to pass on the love. To “pay it forward” to someone else. Not out of any duty, or karma, just because its who I am. Simple, honest, caring for other humans. (And because, well, in that place, there are new lessons for me too.)

So I don’t know what you want in your life, what your personal goals are. But I see you already caring for and discovering yourself in many ways. We all want to “be better” or perhaps just “feel better”. While that path is a very personal choice, I see you finding your way forwards already.

And I just want to encourage you to do, and to keep doing, whatever it takes to maintain forward momentum in your life.

I encourage you past the fears in whatever way it takes, because that is just the way forwards. 

Don’t be afraid. Just be who you need to be.

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[ feature/title image aerial photography of Mona Vale Beach, Australia, by Bo Le @safromabove ]

Interrobang.

  
This life
This ONE life
Just how precious is it?
Like so many others
I’ve spent time, both
frittering it away
and worshipping it
Reacting to it
Fighting it
Asking myself
“Is this it ‽”.
And eventually,
hearing the distant voice
of my body crying out
NOT THIS.
Exhausted and overwrought
Depression territory.
But there is something about
looking at it all
Through loving eyes, and
Surrendering to it all.
Being the most real
The most honest to yourself
and To the universe
Because:
Surrender is expression not suppression

(15 April 2016)

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[ When I open up to another person, get vulnerable and reveal more of the inner me – and they reject me – it doesn’t mean I am rejectable or unloved. It only means that they were uncomfortable with something they felt inside, stirred up by what I expressed.]

Silver Linings – Day 21.

“Participation”

Today I sent an email to a social/community group that I am a committee member of, to let them know that I am feeling overwhelmed by life at the moment and am unsure of my ability to participate much.

I was in bed all day today. Sound asleep mostly. Except for when I had to get up and eat something to take my medication with, because I realised my reminder alarm had been going off for about half an hour.

The good thing is that I consider all of these members my friends, and I knew that they would be supportive.

I received back supportive responses about caring for myself as a priority. A close friend sent a message congratulating me for speaking up and saying how good the email I sent out was.

And during the day I found a beautiful mention on a friend’s blog regarding a poem I dedicated to her yesterday. And also received words of wisdom from her tonight.

When I feel like I’m crumbling apart, it’s good to know that my friends are behind me supporting however they can.

Who do you turn to for support?

The Response.

I am not broken
Nor faulty
I am alive
Surviving
Even thriving
Because I am here
Today
Been through so much
And I am here
in this moment
aware of myself
all that was
and all that is

I will step forwards
Through this
Because I know
it doesn’t end here
My life goes on
to bigger and better
That’s just how
it’s always been
This day is
just like others
that I made it through
that I grew through
I am life

(14 April 2015)

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[ written in response to yesterday’s post First Awareness. ]