Love Challenges.

You said I needed to make up my mind
When I make it up every day
But following through with those decisions is where I fall down.
I want some*thing*
But I also want to help others enjoy life
And some*times* I let that over-ride my own feelings.
Did you ever consider my feelings?
Did we ever talk about how I really felt underneath the surface?
We all want to be happy
So how do we blend our own happiness with those around us?
How do we all sit together in peace, and love,
feeling connected and supportive of each other?
Perhaps the challenge is overcoming our own pride
Perhaps when we start seeing others as equally important
and equally worthy of our consideration and energy
Perhaps then we will all feel it –
The collective human energy that we desire
An equal focus on ourselves and others
An equal tolerance for ourselves as for others
This works for me, and,
just maybe it is what we all needed to hear.

[ 15 August 2017 ]

Without Judgement.


[ original photo by @xisarahix on instagram ]

Realising this morning that I’ve been sitting in fear these past weeks. 

I’ve been fighting it, resisting it, trying so hard to be right. 

Worrying about long-term relationships; about the new and subtly about the past. 

Through all the “what ifs” “shoulds” and “was I right?” I found a place this morning. A little bit of comfort, perhaps some resolution, and definitely a way forward from here. 

From 13th Century philosopher Rumi:
“Out beyond the ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing there is a field – I’ll meet you there.”

This is the place where I will sit down, to spend some time, to talk through my life with other humans. 

Because the biggest gift I can grant myself, and the biggest gift anyone else can give me right now, is to sit (with me) and consider my life so far – without judgement.

Journey. 5

It doesn’t matter what I achieve compared to others
It doesn’t matter the person I am, or am not, compared to others
What matters is the effort I make to always move forwards in love
What matters is my truth, deep within me – my honest loving heart
What matters is that I work to make the world a better place for everyone I have contact with
Caring for myself is not selfish, it is the priority, so that I have energy to share with the world
At times there may be a fine line between strength and exhaustion – everyone experiences this at times.
Then you must choose how much to turn in and how much to share out.
This is recharge time. Make it that and only that.
Take the time to nurture yourself in all the ways you know how.
This is the quiet way forwards when you feel like stopping. Some days momentum is the gentlest breeze past your ear, and other days momentum is swirling along with rushing water.
Take them all for what they are, different energies for different days.
And for now, take comfort in these truths.
Find your energy level and move with it.

(21 July 2016)

The Dream Healer.

I dreamt I was a psychic healer. I could play music using the brains of the group I was working with. I could control the whole room of people – those that were willing to participate. The more willing, the more I could effect them. 

I could step them through time, backwards (and back to the present, but not forwards) and up/down, making adjustments if there was an external interruption or something untoward happened. In one hand I used a wooden stick (like a chopstick) and in the other a wire stroker (a slightly reshaped head massager). Using these tools and the groups psyches, I would play music that some of the group found achingly beautiful, while for others it soothed their soul. 

If someone shared their innermost problem, I could work it away. I used the energy inherent in the group and boosted it with the additional energy shared/contributed by some more willing/energetic participants.Everyone in the room was a willing participant. Those that became not were instantly sent back home with the flick of my wrist. 

When participants weren’t settling, I would just stroke over their head with the wire massager and intent, to bring them into the group focus and quiet participation. One participant I sensed they simple needed a boost of energy, so I held their body for just a moment while the flash of energy flowed through them, until I leaned them back in their chair, eyes closed, smiling, in bliss for a time. Other participants, I would heal a great trouble in their mind, such that they felt a complete change in their life.

[ a fresh record of my very powerful dream experience just before waking up this morning ]

Rising to the Eagle’s Eyes.

[ This morning I wrote to clear my head, to clear what I could feel was building up inside. What came out was, in the end, somewhat surprising. ]

.

What’s bothering me?
The return of old familiarities that are unpleasant and painful for me. Situations that I don’t know how to handle in any better way.

The last two evenings have started out fun, with energy and play between us, and suggestion of more serious fun later on. I have enjoyed that. But then after eating dinner, it seems too late, evening tiredness sets in, and you’re in bed falling asleep already.

I don’t want to wake you up when you so obviously need rest. I would like to see your enthusiasm in alluring play. I would like your seduction to hold my attention.
And I would like to be able to do the same for you, but that doesn’t seem possible.
So despite the touch and kisses you give me before leaving for work, I feel upset because there’s not really any promising sensuality. There’s not really any follow through on the suggestiveness that does exist.

I feel that my openness and expressing what I would like (to do) at times we are interacting has improved. But I am yet to see behaviour from you that is a solid response to my suggestion. I mostly witness only play.

I would like our relationship to be supportive, open & adventurous. And it seems my ideas on what that means are in a different level of energy than yours. When I push myself out into those spaces, I feel resistance and hesitance from you.

Am I being unrealistic? There are always personal needs, wants, and fantasy. Am I trying to make my fantasies reality? No. I am just trying to let who I am become real in our relationship. My sexual energy seems to be at a different level to yours, which so often seems to be the starting point of my uncomfortableness.

I hope you can understand this. It’s not about how much I love you. Its about what is driving the personality behind the face. It’s about our very cores and what defines us on a level that is usually invisible. And right now I’ve looked into myself and seen this all, seen the “big picture” of myself and for a change, I am comfortable with who I am.

.

[ I didn’t expect to dig deep and come to such realisation at the end. I just wrote to clear out what I was feeling. But being honest with myself and attempting to stay honest with others has presented some valuable rewards of insight today. ]

My Journey Planner.

I look ahead with positivity
Focussing on the outcome I want
Sweeping others along with me
And yet I stumble, tripped up
by them not sharing my vision
not understanding where I am headed
Propelled by my energy
But held back in their own fears
Holding me back with their hesitancy
Because I thought I needed company
on this adventure.
Now I know,
I can do this on my own
and if they won’t share the energy
I need to continue on
Without hesitation
And perhaps find along the way
like-minded, compatible energies

Humming To Myself.

A day of struggle, exhaustion, tiredness
Brings companions of pervasive negativity
Encouraging me down into depression
But I kept lifting my spiritual energy higher
at hummingbird level
Keeping myself out of the torment
of physical challenge and mental anguish
constantly clawing at me
Accepting space to fall in and out of sleep
Listen to music as my consciousness drifted
Appreciate the music that I heard
And let go of the strange dreams
that unfolded in the darkness

.

[ I am thankful for the friends that supported me today. In particular to Kerri for her energy, understanding and guidance in the shamanic ways. ]

Shifting Your Care.

Mind dragged down, caught on the body, in the blood, flowing pain, hurting.

– Lift your energy to a higher level.

Thoughts about yourself, about failure, about the pain, about who caused this and who’s to blame.

– Leave all this below and move your energy focus to a higher level.

Now your spirit will care for you, advise you, as it hovers around seeking nourishment and support. Let it guide you above the dragging thoughts and emotions of the lower levels.

– And when you are ready, let your energy rise to an even higher level.

Your soul soars as an eagle on the wind. Above the mountain tops, free to see all that exists around and below. Free to choose your path, free to envision your future and bring it to fruition.

This is the journey of the perceptual states. Based on the Inca lineage of Peru. Perhaps the most valuable lesson I have learnt all year. Watch the webinar where it was introduced to me by the beautiful soul Kerri: http://inneressence.ontraport.net/c/s/vwy/r95/v/S/2C/624Wo3/saK1AjfLIZ

.

[ inspired by and written for Cookie at https://calliopeslyre.wordpress.com/ ]

Midnight.

Tiredness overtaking me
But it’s healthy and balanced
The tv is off, the movie over
The dishwasher run
A lone, healthy, dinner enjoyed
Fed the rabbits
Settled her in bed
Ironed some clothes
Caught up watching Doctor Who

Somewhere our energy fields swapped
My tiring day turned into a busy evening
Her busy day turned into exhausted sleep
Bizarre beyond explanation

But the brown rabbit got all my attention tonight
He flopped at my feet
Chin flat on the carpet spot
Lapping up the head rubs and body rubs
Standing on his hind legs looking for treats
Way more than normal sultanas were given

A night well spent
After a day well spent
Working
and watching my thoughts
Feeling the distress dissipate after the moment
Practicing survival for now
Building hope for the future

IMG_2111.JPG