In Time, Life Changes.

In time, life changes.
Because you want it to, because you make it.
And then you wonder, about the different uncomfortables, the different suffering.
Healing pains.
Old wounds expelling poison, slowly improving.
And you wonder, do I feel better?
Because you wanted an end to the despairing discomfort.
While you still labour with troubles, afflicted with unsettling dis-ease.
Tiring dysfunction.
Besieged by the combination of interactive physical and mental symptoms and assaults.

Wondering if there will ever be more peace than battle.
Wondering when you will get back the strength you once felt, seemingly so long ago.
You look for hope, try to locate it whilst lost in the darkness.
Hope to stoke the fire within, to spark the light and bring back brightness.

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{ Struggling today with the tiredness, aches and unease that follow an indeterminate gluten reaction the prior day. Source unknown, and a rare occurrence these days of constant vigilance. }

Only Surviving Again.

The emotional pain
The upsetting and tears
Don’t want to push them away
Need to feel
and acknowledge them
But it becomes too much
Overwhelming
Sanity tearing apart
Dry sobbing
Self-protection kicks in
Focus on this breath
and the next…
Life becomes survivable
for another moment

(6 September 2015)

Torn Between Care and Resting.

I’m trying to be kind to myself
Being gentle on my body
That has been so fragile for so long
And my mind says “Lazy”

I’m scared of pushing myself much
And crashing again
Physically wrecked for a day or two
And my mind says “Lazy”

I say be gentle, don’t push
Let my body communicate its ability
It’s a fine line balancing productivity
And perceived laziness

(28 Sept 2015)

Freedom from Capture.

© Mary Jo Boughton 2015
“23” © Mary Jo Boughton, 2015. CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.

.

Wanting to help others
Is in your nature
So wanting to help yourself
Comes naturally too.
Beware the critic
The diviner of right and wrong,
Embrace the loving supporter
The kind and compassionate persister.
You deserve to be happy
Though that strange place
Brings fears of losing your self
Trust me, trust you,
That place is better, ’tis true
You will grow there
Flourish
Feeling life’s meaning
And you will feel safe
As the security comes from within.

.

[ this is my response to Ruby Browne’s words on struggle ]

Getting to Know me.

Won’t you take the time
Run your fingers through my soul
Uncover the hiding feelings
And discover just why sometimes I don’t

.

[ I wanted to leave this work at that point. You know, Less is more. But so much was coming out. And it went even further than I expected. What do you think, 1 stanza or 5? ]

Won’t you take a stroll
For a moment through my land
Traverse treacherous paths
Notice the shaking beneath

And
Won’t you take my hand
Lend support, comfort, presence
Lost in the darkness
Alone becomes forever

This be no fairytale
No wish granting nor fairy wands
Lifelines of Connection
Flare briefly before smothered

Every turn away, every shut door
Every assumption, and unspoken word
Deepening chasm, blackening darkness
Without change, there is no better