Restrained Teardrops.

Tears of sadness and joy

For the loss of a part of me that I held close for so long

That was integral to my being and yet never served me well

Since some long ago defence response initiated its activity

And now I let it go, simply no longer needed, simply

Never to be a part of my life again

Loss and Joy combined

Bittersweet tears sat behind my eyes, until

Your words brought clarity to my attention

I sit now, within the truth, feeling

Tears of sadness and joy

.

.

Tell me: What have you given up, that hurt?

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Some Days, Some Hope.

I’m so weary
I just want to close my eyes and sleep
To wake up to a different time,
A different place,
Where all these worries have passed
Where I can start afresh and choose my own way
Instead of reacting and intervening in a messy existence
Many days, that is my only hope.

Depression. (Reblog)

Words of distance, words of release. Words that mean so much to me.

Poems and Petals

Pluck me from my life
And fly me far away from here
From all my daily strife
I’d rather be unknown

I’d rather sleep alone
In my nightly dreams remain
Than everyday to feel
This lifelong endless pain

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The End of the World as You Know It.

and just when it seems like
your whole world will fall apart
everything you hoped for
longed for and cried for
might just stop being real
when you doubt you can survive
with nothing to stay alive for
let go
let yourself fly away
in the wake of the explosion
or float away
in the silence of the sudden calm
release all the knots
let go the anchors of expectation
and submit yourself
to the will of the universe
let it guide you
where you need to be
where you will find yourself
in the most amazing way possible

I wish you well

Release.

Hanging on
for so long
Not really
letting go
Just releasing
small pieces
seeming randomly
here and there

The seasons change
Time to renew
Real release
is so easy now
By the handful
Grab it
Pure essence of you
watch it float
away
on the morning breeze

Lighter now
A little ragged
Rough edges
will sort themselves out

(14 November 2014)

 

.

 

[ I call this poem a “duopoly”. It was written entirely with two distinct meanings in mind. For me, they were regarding a moulting pet rabbit and also regarding letting go of emotions and feelings. Let me know if any other interpretations occurred to you while reading. ]

Just the Start.

Isolated by my feelings
I need to get it all out

[ a book sculpture “Plagued by Doubt” by Thomas Wightman ]

A Word a Day keeps the Pressure at Bay.

To write or not to write
I ask myself many days
When thoughts and feelings build up
Pressing for release
Writing brings out the emotions
Often leaving me drained
unable to think, focus or function
Don’t write, and the pressure increases
Cracks of distraction creep into my focus
Thoughts wander
while I wonder what is going on inside my body
Sometimes suppression
leaves me feeling numb
as if I’m so upset that I refuse to talk or communicate with myself
The cold shoulder treatment
for ignoring
the essential part of me
Today I skirt around the edges
acknowledging what is going on inside
without diving in and being overwhelmed
It’s a little tense
But I hope I will be understanding later
When I really need my support.

.

[ This non-emotional writing is brought to you by “I needed to get work done today” ]

My Approximation of Real.

Sunday night trying to sleep
by forgetting all that has happened last week
Feet are cold
my body shudders
Put on socks
and then
Cry out loud
all the pain
assaulting me
from being pushed aside
it … just … all … hurts
everything
and nothing in particular
There’s no rhyme
(see what I did there!)
or reason
it’s just all flooding out
Except it’s not –
All the noise in my imagination
So imagine just letting it go
imagine the floodwaters subsiding
imagining the washed clean feeling after being drenched
imagine the release
imagine your comfort
after the storm
Imagine wrapped up warm
and comfortable again
safe … sheltered … secure
The process is distressing
but the results are as real as anything
Can you imagine that?

.

ask yourself if what you are doing today right now is getting you closer to where you want to be tomorrow

Wednesday 12 March 2014

The message is coming through loud and clear

today

from so many disparate sources

What I am hearing

is

.“I am capable of so much

_the genuine me

_is just waiting to express himself.

_Your dreams are real

_Let them happen”

What I feel

is

_Afraid

_Holding back the tears

_Stifled by the protective crust

_I’ve built around the genuine me

What I long for

is

 Mindfulness

 that

 shows me where my heart is hard

 unlocks the tears and

 in doing so breaks my heart

 to the preciousness of my life

 the uniqueness of my genius

 the unending grief of my losses

 and my immeasurable capacity to love

===

[With thanks to a Susan Piver article for most of the words in the last stanza.]

Anger and Hatred Flow.

There’s a lot of hate and anger unsettling me
And admittedly
Being up writing after midnight
Is not particularly
Conducive to improving
My situation consistently
When questions of past
Scream out repeatedly
Feeling anguish, confusion
No answers there be
No answers to how I might
Feel released and free
Wanting to be
Repeatedly, consistently, particularly, admittedly, me

===

Acknowledging, accepting, understanding anger and hatred
Within myself is a challenge I don’t know where to start
Particularly from the hazy, crazy place I’m currently in.