I remember
Pain and fun and all the experiences I had growing to where I am now. And remembering can be overwhelming, because of the emotion it brings. Especially the sad emotions, the hurt, the moments that led me to questioning myself until I curled up into a ball and burned with tears because I felt so small and insignificant and lost. I don’t feel like I’ve learnt how to move beyond that, I just know that it happens less often. The emotions don’t overwhelm very often. But I am troubled by the unsettling hurt constantly bubbling beneath the surface of my consciousness. An uneasiness that disturbs my calmness. I don’t want to deny it. But when I try to accept what it is, the pain is confusing in its powerful pull over me. I remember this can’t be ignored. I remember there are people who care about me. I remember to make whatever positive effort feels manageable at these times. I remember that doing a little of something is 100% more effective than doing nothing. I choose to action over my memories. I choose to allow remembering to be what it is. I remember that there is a better place for my spirit to exist. I remember to love myself first with a gentleness and acceptance. I remember my calm, loving self. I remember my completeness.
