Restrained Teardrops.

Tears of sadness and joy

For the loss of a part of me that I held close for so long

That was integral to my being and yet never served me well

Since some long ago defence response initiated its activity

And now I let it go, simply no longer needed, simply

Never to be a part of my life again

Loss and Joy combined

Bittersweet tears sat behind my eyes, until

Your words brought clarity to my attention

I sit now, within the truth, feeling

Tears of sadness and joy



Tell me: What have you given up, that hurt?


All Of This.

All of this
Staying within boundaries
Crushes my spirit
Abiding by rules, expectations
Hurts and Pains
The creative me cries
Tears inside whet only
The blade cutting me apart
Pieces fall away
As I push upwards and out
There’s no flower blooming
Only the ghost of hope.

(3 April 2016)

Silver Linings – Day 18.

“Inside Out”

Life has been so busy lately with resting, coping, working, helping out friends, trying to keep my life in some sort of order. I feel that I have been neglecting some of you out there. I want to respond to many new followers and commenters and just haven’t found the time yet.

So do know that I think of you all. And when I see that you have dropped by and read my words, I’m glad for the company.

Back to today. My friend Mark is a big Pixar fan and movie buff generally. So when he invites me to see a film, I usually know it’s going to be worthwhile. Today’s afternoon flick was Pixar’s latest, Inside Out. Having enjoyed every other Pixar film, I rate this very highly. Basically, go see it! If you are still unsure, read on (I consider this a spoiler free zone today).

The story is about the emotions that control us, that create us, that help us grow. The story is also about the girl Riley, that we see from birth to teens. The emotions are personified as characters within a “control room” inside Riley’s head. And a lot of the plot revolves around memories and how they effect us.

I really enjoyed the depth of consideration the film brings up around all this. And how some twists are surprisingly and lovingly resolved.

I can imagine a storyline where depression and other mental illnesses are treated with respect and insight using this film’s theme. Maybe that will happen eventually, in some way, perhaps a comic book version.

I had forgotten how painful emotional tears can be. Nevertheless I just let them roll down my face, into my lips, and dropping behind the scarf around my neck.

Today I am grateful for brilliant storytellers, the writers, animators and the rest of the team. I am grateful for generous friends. 

”Ms Nigella”

 I am also grateful for pets that enjoy sitting on my lap, receiving attention and just being present. The black one was happy to sit still for over an hour with me tonight and the brown one has maintained his spot on the carpet circle next to my chair.

Unexpected Tears.

Tears form
glisten my eyes
saltwater swells
runs down my face
where is this from
so much going on
tired, worries
for others and myself
rather overwhelming
but learning
to stop
and give
myself time
myself space
myself acceptance
of this
new patterns
practice patience
learning to live
without pushing myself
so damn much.
Who is watching
judging me
only me
and that is what
must stop.




[this is about an event from half my lifetimetime ago, that still influences who I am today, although often I wish it were otherwise.]