The Here and Now Struggle.

When your concentration scatters
you can’t focus on what matters
a ring of pressure surrounds your head
throat is sore and dry and red
sense familiar dread proclivity
of all thoughts to negativity
pack it in and head to home
where you’ll dread being alone
want to scream and thrash about
your whole existence is in doubt

Now can’t bear to face tomorrow
fear continuation of sorrow
even put off going to bed
strong painkillers want for head
close my eyes and focus here
on this moment right now clear
put aside all future worry
for a precious minute clarity
could you feel that way more often
then the painful days would soften

===

[not letting a mild migraine and spaced out day stop me from NaPoWriMo participation, used it as my inspiration instead.]

Dystopian Rhapsody.

Trying to make sense of it all
No, trying to survive
for it all seems
A world of confusion
mixed with
Hate, Anger, Despair
At those I think
should be able to help me
but stand, stunned
offering small platitudes
vacuous to me,
And at myself for
failing
at seemingly everything
Everything –
happens for a reason
What have I learnt then?
What am I becoming
that needs this pain,
This self loathing
that seeps through my pores
Pawing at my sanity
Clawing at my flesh
Like a nightmare
where
everything is not quite right
where you will never
ever be comfortable
Because if you did
relax for just a moment
the demons would catch you
and
painfully shredded
you would cease
to have ever existed
You would simply be
the nothingness
that fills the gaps
between everything
that ever really matters.

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[ With thanks for the sparks that ignite the fire that melts the world into words that sit upon this page. Tonight my inspirational writing friends are theeverbrokenarrow and Natalie – tonight you made a difference. ]

Yesterday’s Pain.

Just when
Life feels better again
Out of the blue
Pain comes through
Stomach twisting
Pain inflicting
But worse yet
What I wanted to forget
The memories
Of endless pain days
Drowning in
Pain recollection
A double hit
To abdomen and soft head bit
Physical turmoil
Strong emotional recoil
The anguish
The death wish
Helplessness
Confused mind a mess
All flooding
Over me suffocating
Hide away
In sleep, ’til new day
Drained, wasted
Such changes created
A delicate frame
All that remains

.
[actually Thursday/Friday, it took another day to get this pressed]