In Time, Life Changes.

In time, life changes.
Because you want it to, because you make it.
And then you wonder, about the different uncomfortables, the different suffering.
Healing pains.
Old wounds expelling poison, slowly improving.
And you wonder, do I feel better?
Because you wanted an end to the despairing discomfort.
While you still labour with troubles, afflicted with unsettling dis-ease.
Tiring dysfunction.
Besieged by the combination of interactive physical and mental symptoms and assaults.

Wondering if there will ever be more peace than battle.
Wondering when you will get back the strength you once felt, seemingly so long ago.
You look for hope, try to locate it whilst lost in the darkness.
Hope to stoke the fire within, to spark the light and bring back brightness.

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{ Struggling today with the tiredness, aches and unease that follow an indeterminate gluten reaction the prior day. Source unknown, and a rare occurrence these days of constant vigilance. }

Reactions

She learnt
to react to me
to make
the relationship work;
Reacting to
when I was upset
depressed;
Reacting
to fix the situation
– for the ideal life
Reacting
to keep the peace
– because she grew up without

And I knew no better

Now
when there is nothing
to react to;
When I feel okay
in a neutral
or positive space
She thinks
subconsciously
nothing needs fixing
everything is right
and doesn’t
do
anything

But that
is exactly when
I need interaction
– positively
– building good times;
For it’s these times
she ignores me
all I feel
is that there is
no love
to show for me

Reactions
Hurt
Hope
Loss
Longing