A new EōN.

Screen capture from iOS app EōN, algorithmically generated Art & Music by Jean-Michel Jarre.
Channeling in
to the pain I feel inside
The emotional upheaval
and the unknown cause
Because I don’t like not knowing
Because to just accept this,
is difficult
When my whole life has been
striving to create some comfort
within a world that was
always so uncomfortable,
physically and emotionally.

Today I had to dive in
to the difficult hours
from this week past
And describe how I felt,
what I thought,
Reconnecting to those moments
To see where my thoughts
were really at
Hearing another perspective
To understand a way forwards
And tonight I could cry
Emotionally spent and weary.

So again I’m in the midst
of uncomfortableness
Not knowing how to cry
Fearful of the pain, of
wanting to curl up
and disappear from existence
Frustrated from feeling this way
When I could be celebrating life
Enjoying my new-found
freedom within a relationship.

The drum beats of EōN
shift my energy
Once again,
music is my saviour
Can a disconnected Artificial Inteligence
know my mood
sense my feelings
interpret a response?
One day this will be commonplace
For now happenstance is my friend.

With a clearer head
and a lighter heart
I commit myself to the night
To rest and recuperation
To new beginnings in new days
Tomorrow will be
what I make of it
Conscious choice will define
every moment as I travel
through the intersecting threads
of my world.

May your world and mine
interact and play
in a positive way
May we both feel significant,
real in some way that matters
May there be reason to smile
Reason to feel really alive
An energy that carries us
Forwards, together
Creating a brighter reality
A sense of purpose and belonging.


The Dream Healer.

I dreamt I was a psychic healer. I could play music using the brains of the group I was working with. I could control the whole room of people – those that were willing to participate. The more willing, the more I could effect them. 

I could step them through time, backwards (and back to the present, but not forwards) and up/down, making adjustments if there was an external interruption or something untoward happened. In one hand I used a wooden stick (like a chopstick) and in the other a wire stroker (a slightly reshaped head massager). Using these tools and the groups psyches, I would play music that some of the group found achingly beautiful, while for others it soothed their soul. 

If someone shared their innermost problem, I could work it away. I used the energy inherent in the group and boosted it with the additional energy shared/contributed by some more willing/energetic participants.Everyone in the room was a willing participant. Those that became not were instantly sent back home with the flick of my wrist. 

When participants weren’t settling, I would just stroke over their head with the wire massager and intent, to bring them into the group focus and quiet participation. One participant I sensed they simple needed a boost of energy, so I held their body for just a moment while the flash of energy flowed through them, until I leaned them back in their chair, eyes closed, smiling, in bliss for a time. Other participants, I would heal a great trouble in their mind, such that they felt a complete change in their life.

[ a fresh record of my very powerful dream experience just before waking up this morning ]

Silver Linings – Day 20.

“My Music”

I feel like I failed to function today. I achieved little office work despite being there for 5 hours. But as a friend reminded me tonight, writing two poems is an achievement.

I feel that I haven’t written poetry like today in a while. But looking back through my notes, there has been probably no more than a week of quiet at any point recently. The last six days has seen a lot rolling out. I just haven’t posted much of it yet. Perspective. Sometimes another view really helps.

The overwhelms hit me today. In the office before noon, and tonight while getting dinner ready.

Hey, this is meant to be about silver linings!

Well, this is about everything. About coping. About not coping. About support and encouragement and seeing what to be thankful for.

After dinner I curled up into my ball chair, put my headphones on and listened to music. I stopped and just listened to music. I cared for nothing more than caring for myself. I closed my eyes, rug over my legs and took the time to really listen to my music. Appreciating it’s depth and how it moves me. I spent time enjoying myself, something I realise just now that’s been missing in my life.

Today I am grateful for my music. Some nights I would not get to sleep without my music. Some days I would struggle through if not for my music.
My music brings back memories. My music creates new bright memories. My music is as integral to my life as eating.

What are you thankful for today?

Silver Linings – Day 1.

“Cabaret Night in the city.”

Great soul music with just a few musos and lots of energy from two local talents. Diana and Teresa carried us through the intimate performance of a soul music journey through time.

Love live music. Love variety. Love local talent.

I know Diana from when she was my personal trainer some years ago. Even then her energy, focus, dancing and singing was apparent. I still remember everything she taught me while we were training, such was her impact.
Now she is focussing on her love of music and performing. She is giving her dreams a go! Something to encourage me to do likewise.


[ Thanks to Contortum Designs for the inspiration to focus on the positives. ]

The Royal Croquet Club.

Victoria Square
Royal Croquet Club
Adelaide Fringe Festival
Warm evening
rain speckles drift down and cool on impact
Champagne, Rosé, fish and chips
Setting sun

I saw the croquet lawn
Surrounded by umpire chairs
Yellow lights strung overhead
Umbrellas, tables, seats
Relaxing in deck chairs
Food smells mixing with enjoyment
Eclectic atmosphere aplenty

I see the towering office blocks
Jealously overlooking the square
Chained in place by concrete
While firefly-like spotlights
Dance teasingly over their faces
DJ spins funky vinyl
We all relax it’s Festival time

(27 February 2015)


What Got Me Through.

I want to get this emotion out of me
To express it through creativity
Need to clear these feelings to set me free
But can’t clear my head sufficiently

Struggling with exhaustion as soon as we left the party today, I emotionally & physically crashed when we arrived home. She tried to comfort me, reminding me that I’ve been through a few busy long days in a row. I know the continual exhaustion for over two weeks now has been wearing me down further and then pushing past all that to look after the invalid girl has been even more draining.

Trying to cry, choking on emotion, wet cheeks. She’s trying to comfort me. Overcome by such a heavy heart. Couldn’t write it out. Had to put music loud through my headphones to tune it all out. That worked and I slept lightly through an hour.
Only music got me through.

Still feeling such a heavy heart. Felt the need to be held in someone’s arms. She cradled my head on her lap. More waves of emotion. Trying to accept them, not to be overwrought by them. Repeating the support phrases from my therapist about feelings, not helping. Helpless. Feeling alone and unloved. Telling myself that’s not true – that it’s all lies told by my brain at the moment. Message still not getting in.

Then I channeled the energy of my close friends. I took their words, their love and their care, pulled in that energy into a moment and started speaking to my inner hurting self. With comfort and honour, with love and compassion, I was my best friend. The only person with the words to calm me, to help me feel loved and cared for, to be with me inside the stormy darkness and to pull me through it. I was left with exhaustion, but only exhaustion.
Only my friends got me through.

(25 January 2015)

Sound Threads.

I see music like a tapestry
Hear the individual threads
Woven together
Creating the bigger texture
Of sound
As notes form patterns
In my mind’s eye
Swirling shapes develop
Flowing along
like musical notation.
The creation is complete,
But can always be
New threads added.
Touch the threads
Look and hear
The musical tapestry

(5 Sept 2014)

Love. Music.

Dreamt I was lost
and looking for you
Hadn’t found you yet
Was listing my musical tastes
To encourage a clear
Appetite for love

AM radio pop music 70’s vintage
A heady dose of pioneering electronic artists from France and Germany
A sprinkle of 80’s computer game music with a pinch of 8 bit console tunes
Equal parts classical, Haydn, chamber music
and contemporary English football loving violin prodigy
Plenty of former Neighbours pop princess K
Swiss electro harpist
Canadian world dub
Quirky alternative rock/pop
Dance around to the myriad of 80’s pop
Dashes of the electronic varieties of progressive house, progressive rock
Some funky disco
and so much more

I love this
It’s part of who I am
Share this with me
I am waiting for you


I smell them all
Market scents and sounds
surround me
Ripe fruits
Spiced mushrooms
Heady aroma
Your perfume
And I feel

I hear them all
My taste in music
The sounds
The edits
Every note
Complexity and simplicity
Voice and instrument
And I feel

I taste them all
Ingredients I see
Crunchy raw nuts
Seasonal vegetables
Sweet wine
Savouring the meal
Your lips
And I feel

I see it all
How they touch
What she is thinking
The ignored child
The look
Those curves
And I feel

I touch it all
Silken hair
Knitted fabric textures
Smooth tight cotton
Warm skin
It all touches me
And I feel


[Today’s NaPoWriMo prompt has taken priority over another poem I wrote earlier. The prompt was to use the senses in a description of something. I have taken this further in my own way (yes, I’m a rule-breaker) with an underlying unifying theme. Inspired initially by the music I was listening to while writing earlier.]
Edit: I added the sense of smell, was rushing to press this last night and would have realised the missing if I had let it stew for a day.

Boso 1 and 2.

This is the third poem written on Sunday morning during a burst of inspiration. It was a different combination of techniques for me, but mostly focused around a suggestion I read recently from Leanne at Ignored.

I wrote what I felt from listening to this music (which is a current emotionally meaningful piece to me). It is two tracks Boso 1 and Boso 2 from the album Insofar by Sundog and contains sounds solely from playing a tampered acoustic piano (Boso 1) & rhodes electric piano (Boso 2). Depending on your interpretation it could be described in style as classical, minimalist, chamber, or electronica.

One of the composer/performer duo is Arthur Jeffes who is the blood heir to the Penguin Cafe name, a group who were performing since the 70’s and who I was privileged to hear perform in my hometown in the late 80’s.

There are 27 lines spaced over the nearly 8 minutes of music. For full effect, have a listen and read through this poem accordingly.
I really need to create a video with the words popping up at appropriate times then fading and shrinking away. Anyone out there have those skills?


behind me
all around me it changes
I saw you
the smile
why did he choose that?
let’s go
no one and everyone
I can’t promise anything

it changed
I don’t like this, I like this
where were we?
I want to go home –
I don’t know where that is
why did you do that?
you are beautiful and hurtful all at once
build it
burrow into the ground
clear vision
can I touch you?
soaring out of the sky