I am Emma

Sharing this personal story of insight into the life of an amazing person.

Emma's Hope Book

“What is your name?” someone might ask.  It’s a simple question, but when I try to make the sounds that form my name, other words push and shove their way forward.  Instead, “you may not spit,” or “Rosie’s not here!” are examples of seemingly random nonsensical, declarations that come out of my mouth.  I call these utterances my “mouth words.”  They could be seen as traitors, belligerent bullies who seek the spotlight, but they are not.  My mouth words are funny to me, but misunderstood by others. My typed words are hard for me, but understood by many.  Mouth words are witty accomplices to a mind that speaks a different language entirely.  There are no words, but instead a beautiful environment where feelings, sensations, colors and sounds coexist.  I often think if all humans could experience the world in hi-res, technicolor, surround sound as I do, everyone would be happier.  I…

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Alone in Pain.

No one understands me
No one gets what I’m trying to communicate during a struggle day
It frustrates and angers me
Pushes me to feel more alone than before

And why would they?
No one has the same experiences as or thinks like me
And I don’t know what else is going on in their head at this time
If they don’t respond appropriately to what I am communicating
Then maybe I haven’t articulated myself as well as I think

It’s easy to use broad statements
“I want to end it all”
“I can’t bear this pain any longer”
It’s much harder to find the mediated, sensible thoughts
That still convey what is happening within me
That have the most chance of others understanding
That convey the depth and breadth of my struggle

.

[ while I was writing this I came across the words below from last year, which directly connected with the now ]

Some days I want nothing more
than to be
understood

To know I’m not alone
in my pain

(30 June 2014)