Without Judgement.


[ original photo by @xisarahix on instagram ]

Realising this morning that I’ve been sitting in fear these past weeks. 

I’ve been fighting it, resisting it, trying so hard to be right. 

Worrying about long-term relationships; about the new and subtly about the past. 

Through all the “what ifs” “shoulds” and “was I right?” I found a place this morning. A little bit of comfort, perhaps some resolution, and definitely a way forward from here. 

From 13th Century philosopher Rumi:
“Out beyond the ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing there is a field – I’ll meet you there.”

This is the place where I will sit down, to spend some time, to talk through my life with other humans. 

Because the biggest gift I can grant myself, and the biggest gift anyone else can give me right now, is to sit (with me) and consider my life so far – without judgement.

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Irrational?

Within a depressed state of mind
My thoughts are irrational
The only words I can abide by
are that I cannot trust my own judgement.

Simple tiredness
Repeated and compounded
Also triggers a depressed state
wherein thoughts and judgement
are too skewed to be trusted.

Run down, weary, worn out
By-products of extended illness
By-products of extended stress
Same triggers
Same end result.

How to trust myself?
How do I make decisions to improve my life?
When I never feel the clarity