Feeling broken. Can’t function properly, whatever that word means at the moment. Couldn’t get myself out of the house today. Tired, worn out, unwell. But more-so, battling the constant negativity that assails my thoughts. Vision clear enough to recognise their unreasonableness, but not to do anything more than barely manage to push them out for a time. Negativity about everything, feeling like a grumpy old man, but knowing the head is skewed. Memory has been rusty for so long, but can now barely recall what happened before last night’s sleep. Everything seems to take twice as long, including trying to feel better.
Existing through this in-between space.
Neither energetically happy nor suicidal.
Neither functioning artist nor pile of trash.
I know the extremes, and
I know this familiar place in the middle.
The scariness is that
I don’t know where I am going.
I’m a person, in pieces.
Fragmented and falling.
Won’t someone put me back together?
Match up the edges and find how they all go together again,
Make me whole.