Out of Focus.

There are times I can see clearly
Specifically what I need to do
Have the motivation to act
The forwards plan in mind

Often these are the quiet times
When my nearby world is asleep
And all expectation has fallen away
Clarity, focus, simplicity

Then comes the morning
With its health complications
Confusions of position and ability
Managing myself prioritizes over the externalities
And life seems too confusing to manage.

.

(5 August 2018)

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Leading The Way.

Choosing a positive approach to the day
Makes a difference, even now, Half an hour away
As words of encouragement, and courage
Fly in from the other side of the earth
While, the frightened cry inside is heard again
Ashamed of yesterday’s failures and pain
Tipping the balance from one side to other
Refocus and push on, lest emotions take over
Again. Some days I have this control at heart
Some days seem doomed from the start
Little choices direct each moment along
Today I focus and pretend to be strong

Until Now; Forever More.

I was looking for words, to expunge the feelings and bring normality to my life.

In desperation I brought intention to my soul for self care. Falling asleep before I could comfort myself with inner words of support.

Yet intention was enough. Today was bereft of the previous days’ occaisonal negativity. Today was completely about being in my energy, and sharing it with people I came across. 

And tonight, the words come seemingly fleetingly. But a quick consideration proved the positivity of my limited expression. 

Recalling the lessons of this year, from the very start right through to today, reveals the value of focus, of maintaining a positive feedback loop with my brain. Of letting go that which no longer serves me. Of filling my mind’s eye with what I want to see, feel and be.

This invaluable reminder, demonstration, and confirmation all rolls into one solid point of existence. My existence, my life. This it must be. 

I am blessed with observation, identification and perseverance. Blessed with supportive energies around me.

I am the author of my own destiny. Today I choose to start writing a new chapter. The power in the words may come from many sources, yet the strongest power is in the wielder of the pen.

Silver Linings – Day 31.


“Riding free”

Just one more post before I consider where next to take this journal blogging – suggestions gratefully accepted.

Because today was a special day for me. I got out on my bike and rode about 26km. With some breaks, but mostly with a group of over 60 other cyclists. And we were helmet-less!

You see Australia has some terribly discouraging mandatory helmet laws for cyclists. It has reduced cycling participation significantly in the 30 or so years since they were introduced.

And the worst part of it is that in some cities here, the police are too busy dealing with real crime to bother about whether or not a cyclist has their mandatory helmet on or not. But in my home city, you will most likely get stopped and fined if you ride without. Up north they have had the sense to relax the laws so that people riding on shared paths and other non-traffic areas may choose to ride without a helmet. It works and there has been no increase in cycling injuries as a result. While getting the laws fully repealed would be nice, that seems unlikely to happen. We should at least be given the choice, as responsible adults, when riding in low speed areas or away from traffic, to make up our own minds about head coverings. All the scientific data is there to show that it will not increase the risk of injury. And the scientific data that the original decision was based upon has been showed to be severely flawed. In other words, the researchers made a mistake, made bad conclusions, and now we are still living with the result of that even though science says otherwise now. It’s a complicated topic, but it can be simplified by letting responsible adults make responsible choices.

Back to the positives of today. As it was an organised protest ride, we had bicycle police escorts front and rear, which meant (by some technicality) that we were not breaking the law by choosing to ride without helmets. I think that having most of the ride along shared pathways helped with this.

So I could finally feel the wind in my hair without any guilt or fear, as I rode this lovely sunny winters day. In normal clothes. On my own bike. I’ve ridden hire bikes in Europe and enjoyed the freedom, but it’s a little different being able to do so in your home town along paths you know well.

I just felt sorry for all the tourists we passed as they had their helmets on with their public hire bikes, they must have been terribly confused to see us ride past, especially if they have come from one of the majority countries where cycling is encouraged and not restricted.

Today I am grateful for winter sunshine, enthusiastic bicycle advocates, and opportunities to ride sans helmet – the way I grew up riding bikes.

===

I want to maintain this positive focus for my blog. It is an action that really helps me personally. I’m just unsure how to proceed. I want to do something a little different in the way I approach this positivity.

I may need a little time to sort out my thoughts. So feel free to share your own thoughts with me, any and all suggestions appreciated.

When PM flows into AM.

falling asleep on the bathroom floor
head on knees while writing
holed away for solitude
an escape from the world
cold tiles and sparse furnishings
let my mind clear of clutter
so I can reach in deep
below the busy surface
and find what’s really going on
unpleasant, but necessary
uncovering painful feelings
I want to dig it out
to leave a fresh clean me
to heal
unpoisoned, untainted
damaged, but recovering
if only it was that easy
if only I had the knowledge
and skill of a surgeon
instead of these shaky, uncertain hands



Some Focus.

Maybe I want to be upset
I want to have reasons
To make it easier
To be out of love
Create a focus for the pain
To feel justified anger
To direct all these thoughts
Of confusing emotions
To a locus of sorts
To a pinpoint explosion
Of cleansing fire
To burn away all the hate
To leave my mind free
Let it focus on me
And how good I can be
Restoring my energy
Finding my way back to me

(7-9 February 2015)

Locus Focus.

I need to bring my focus to myself. Here and now.
Mindfulness and presence in the present.
I’ve been focussing on others too much.
Subtly overthinking and worrying about what they think of me.
What matters most is what I think of me.
Give myself permission to do or try whatever I want.
Encourage myself and be my own best supporter.

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A Word a Day keeps the Pressure at Bay.

To write or not to write
I ask myself many days
When thoughts and feelings build up
Pressing for release
Writing brings out the emotions
Often leaving me drained
unable to think, focus or function
Don’t write, and the pressure increases
Cracks of distraction creep into my focus
Thoughts wander
while I wonder what is going on inside my body
Sometimes suppression
leaves me feeling numb
as if I’m so upset that I refuse to talk or communicate with myself
The cold shoulder treatment
for ignoring
the essential part of me
Today I skirt around the edges
acknowledging what is going on inside
without diving in and being overwhelmed
It’s a little tense
But I hope I will be understanding later
When I really need my support.

.

[ This non-emotional writing is brought to you by “I needed to get work done today” ]

Eyes Closed.

Did you ever close your eyes
In front of a mirror
And wonder if your reflection
Opens it’s eyes
To see what you look like with your eyes closed.

Mirror mirror on the wall
Can you see my soul at all?
When at last my heart awakes
I pray thee all my fear to take.
Sudden change of daring focus
Brings all meaning to a new locus.

===

Spark ignited by Alexandra and making new friends on Friday night.

A blank mind (Response)

Without a measure of focus
Time passing
seems wasted
Inspiration
is the cure

.

[My response to Chantelle’s poem 30 Days of Poetry – Day 8 ( Personal Challenge ).]

Mind is blank
To match the expression on my face
writing, it used to come so easy
now I stare at empty space
you’d think that if you stared long enough
something would come to mind
but all that seems to be happening
is my awareness of the time
seconds, minutes, hours, days
everything just fades away
and all I can seem to think about is life
and how much of it I’ve wasted