Interrobang.

  
This life
This ONE life
Just how precious is it?
Like so many others
I’ve spent time, both
frittering it away
and worshipping it
Reacting to it
Fighting it
Asking myself
“Is this it ‽”.
And eventually,
hearing the distant voice
of my body crying out
NOT THIS.
Exhausted and overwrought
Depression territory.
But there is something about
looking at it all
Through loving eyes, and
Surrendering to it all.
Being the most real
The most honest to yourself
and To the universe
Because:
Surrender is expression not suppression

(15 April 2016)

===

[ When I open up to another person, get vulnerable and reveal more of the inner me – and they reject me – it doesn’t mean I am rejectable or unloved. It only means that they were uncomfortable with something they felt inside, stirred up by what I expressed.]

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I am Emma

Sharing this personal story of insight into the life of an amazing person.

Emma's Hope Book

“What is your name?” someone might ask.  It’s a simple question, but when I try to make the sounds that form my name, other words push and shove their way forward.  Instead, “you may not spit,” or “Rosie’s not here!” are examples of seemingly random nonsensical, declarations that come out of my mouth.  I call these utterances my “mouth words.”  They could be seen as traitors, belligerent bullies who seek the spotlight, but they are not.  My mouth words are funny to me, but misunderstood by others. My typed words are hard for me, but understood by many.  Mouth words are witty accomplices to a mind that speaks a different language entirely.  There are no words, but instead a beautiful environment where feelings, sensations, colors and sounds coexist.  I often think if all humans could experience the world in hi-res, technicolor, surround sound as I do, everyone would be happier.  I…

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There, I Said It.

I am holding in so many feelings
Not willing to acknowledge some
Believing that there is a wrongness
Supposing that remaining unnamed
They will not exist
And yet they do.
I am out of love
I am better off without her around me
I cannot see her meeting my needs
I cannot see a future of life
only a future of my death in our relationship
She is not adventurous like me
She doesn’t understand passion like I do
She wants me to be happy
but can’t do what I require for that to be so
And all I can think about
is how hurt she will be
Even though it has been discussed
and she wants what is best for me
And all I can think about
is how difficult life might be
If we do
and if we don’t
Either way there will be pain
Pain that I still want to avoid
If possible.
But the possible has rarely ever materialised
All the hopes and changes and compromise
Never enough mutual growth
Never bearing enough fruit
We ended up taking different paths with our lives
We have ended up more apart than together
We are still joined
but I am forever held back by the chains
Stifled and restrained
When I need to burst out
and find my own way
While not entirely sure what I’m looking for
I acknowledge that I need to communicate
and express my feelings
I need to say that at the moment
I need something new
I need to leave behind what drags me down
And I need people around me
who lift me up

Multilingual.

I’ve been learning the language of how I feel
Becoming confident my descriptions are real
Expressed through my writing and poetry
Are clear understanding – this aspect of me

We could all learn more of the language of love
Most people know little, unaware the rest of
it has so many nuances, we all could be
Better communicators, with practice, naturally

I’m brushing up concepts in the language of sex
So many facets to intimacy, it’s rather complex
Yet knowing what words describe our desires
Builds partner comprehension for passionate fires

There is language specific to so many events
When we speak different dialects confusion presents
A problematic occasion for hurt and friction
So when you next talk be sure of your diction.

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