Looking Past Thoughts, Looking To The Heart.

I think about myself tonight
About what has been going through my thoughts lately
And I’m left wondering why I’m so hard on myself
Judgemental. Harsh. Critical.
(Unintentionally) hurtful.
Where is the love for myself
That I so freely give to others?
What have I learnt, that makes me this way?
I see damage
I see the effect it has on me
And it brings me to tears.
How can I hold so much hate in my heart?
How can I direct so much negativity at myself?
I would feel ashamed, but I know that is just more judgement coming out
So I sit here on the floor, in silent contemplation
Attempting to be open to any answers
Listening for a voice of reason to rise out from the chaos
And I just feel
I know that loving myself is a requirement
But it’s surrounded with Should, Must, and Have-to
And that just doesn’t help at all.
.This situation.
I give it a label
Compartmentalise myself into a box
Contain the problem
And I know that is exactly the wrong approach
Punishment is not the path to freedom.
Some sort of openness
Freedom to let me exist within mistakes
Where errors are not a crime
Somewhere there, is where I will benefit.
No certainty, no answers
Only the call of my heart

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