More Than I Can Manage.

Reaching for clarity and release
As my mind has turned on me, repeating:
“I am only worth my achievements”
“This body breaks down and fails me”
Continued pain and difficulty is too much
Wanting to shut off and shut down
Permanently.

And I really do my best
To guide myself through this
To make a positive difference
While drowning in negativity
Yet it seems an impossible task
When every action is not enough
Pointless rationalising of my irrational mind
The more I try, the less I achieve,
Then sink further into helplessness
Shrouded with frustration and guilt.

Others have choice,
Control over their thoughts
While today I sit by helpless
As my brain pounds me to the ground
Today I sit, exhausted,
From trying to be,
Something stronger than I feel,
Something more than I can manage.

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