Mis-timed Heart-beat.

Reminders of what had been
of complete fulfilment
now passed
now only haunting echoes

Her weakness was to love
fully and truly
to engage her whole self
in the moment of dreams

But reality is not the dream world
the cruelty of timing, of location
forever scratches its nails
across the blackboard of her memory


[ my response to eledette’s latest poetry, Besieged ]


6 thoughts on “Mis-timed Heart-beat.

  1. I am, at this very moment, on a run. Running, running,running…taking it all out on pavement. Distracting my heart from overwhelming sadness. I stopped to read your reply to my post. And I cried. Not because your words hurt…but because you understand. This touched me deeply. Thank you

    Liked by 1 person

    • Run. Run. Run for your heart. Run for the pounding beat and the clarity it brings. But run not from yourself. Run not from the pain, run to feed it through your veins. Run to burn it into your body, not to burn it up. Run to feel who you are, no matter what life brings. The strong runner. The fittest survivor. The warrior who takes the battle memories, and shapes the pain into weapons and armour. To protect your precious heart. An investment on insurance for the future, the greatest gift to yourself.

      Liked by 1 person

    • When the words run out
      when a lexicon is depleted
      you attack the sadness with movement
      with distraction
      with the chemicals of activity
      the strictness of exercise
      and I wonder what you feel
      after the pulse has slowed
      after the perspiration dries
      after muscles declare their weariness
      I wonder
      when does the mind rest
      when does the brain forget the pain
      when does it stop
      the churning and twisting your insides?
      I contemplate
      for my own sanity
      for any chance of surviving
      the next daymare
      the next debilitating attack
      of silent criticism and dark terror

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Sometimes life brings you sanity and motivation to keep fighting through the words of others…just when I am in my darkest moment, you write these words. And they churn deep inside me. I run to stay strong. When I run, it is my only moments of pure clarity. My mind is at ease because my body is in control. And when I return home, and the endorphins wear off…the sadness returns to remind me that running is a temporary reprieve from the truth.

    Liked by 1 person

    • My thoughts were running along with you
      under the mis-representation
      that activities which temporarily
      distract you and me both
      which offer reprieve
      from the pain and the sadness
      were a bad thing
      keeping us away from the truth
      My belief that only
      the toughest emotions were real
      that only suffering was worthwhile
      Until I realised tonight
      coming back to the pain
      however much it remains
      is not the point of the truth
      The truth is that you can get away
      you can find reprieve
      no matter how short
      you can find the clarity
      to be yourself, to be
      everything that you are
      alive fully in the moment

      The truth is all you feel
      the lows and the highs
      the truth is that you can move yourself
      into the light from the dark
      The truth is that you can choose
      (not that we chose for only a short time)
      The truth is this moment
      right now
      you and I are the truth

      Liked by 1 person

      • How true your words are! And how easy it would be to just give in to the pain and the suffering. So easy…and so tempting. But whenever I feel the temptation to surrender, I choose (as you say) to “move myself into the light from the dark”. Because even though the reality of pain is undeniably strong, I am stronger. You are stronger. And although the reprieve is temporary, it brings with it the gift of clarity and peace and self-determination. And I refuse to give up on myself. I refuse to give up on happiness. Even if that means I find fleeting moments of happiness on a solitary run in my own moment of truth.

        Liked by 1 person

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