Seeing Too Much.

I see a house extension that needs completion
More draft-proofing of the old house
A list of fix-up and repairs that seems to grow endlessly
Things that just don’t work because other jobs are incomplete
An outside deck and paving to finish off
A rear garden that needs to be kept under control
Neighbour’s bamboo reaching over the fence
Caring for pet bunnies, keeping them entertained and comfortable
Trying to declutter the house
Wanting to sell off items to clear space and gather needed funds
Required bicycle maintenance, my preferred form of transport
An old computer that is currently inoperative
A new computer that is not yet operational
A month’s worth of laundry waiting to be put away
The list I see goes on and on and on
And lost in there somewhere, is self care
Blurred into dealing with hidden illness, mental and physical
And this current exhaustion and emotional overwhelming
Missed work hours, missed income,
Clients relying on me despite my fatigue
How do I keep my head straight through all this?
It tries to overwhelm me
But mostly I just let it go, it’s all I can do
Fumble through trying to work this day out
To survive just a little longer
For what, where am I headed like this?
It doesn’t feel like living, not what I want life to be.
And yet, I can manage to say to myself
Today I am coping with, that which previously chained me down in bed
It seems the only hope I have, but I don’t know what it means

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One thought on “Seeing Too Much.

  1. The fact that you can recognize where you are, and contemplate your choices, reflect on where you’ve been and where you are… that’s progress Peter. Keep taking steps forward and you will get there, where ever “there” is 😉

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