There, I Said It.

I am holding in so many feelings
Not willing to acknowledge some
Believing that there is a wrongness
Supposing that remaining unnamed
They will not exist
And yet they do.
I am out of love
I am better off without her around me
I cannot see her meeting my needs
I cannot see a future of life
only a future of my death in our relationship
She is not adventurous like me
She doesn’t understand passion like I do
She wants me to be happy
but can’t do what I require for that to be so
And all I can think about
is how hurt she will be
Even though it has been discussed
and she wants what is best for me
And all I can think about
is how difficult life might be
If we do
and if we don’t
Either way there will be pain
Pain that I still want to avoid
If possible.
But the possible has rarely ever materialised
All the hopes and changes and compromise
Never enough mutual growth
Never bearing enough fruit
We ended up taking different paths with our lives
We have ended up more apart than together
We are still joined
but I am forever held back by the chains
Stifled and restrained
When I need to burst out
and find my own way
While not entirely sure what I’m looking for
I acknowledge that I need to communicate
and express my feelings
I need to say that at the moment
I need something new
I need to leave behind what drags me down
And I need people around me
who lift me up

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6 thoughts on “There, I Said It.

  1. This reminded me of the Stereophonic song ‘Stuck in a Rut.’ Lines like, ‘you’re feeling, down and low/You’re dreaming of how it should feel/Staying will set your soul of fire.’

    Whenever I hear this song I feel desperately sad, and it resonates with me so deeply because it makes me realise how complex relationships are and how much you give up yourself if you’re not getting what you need in return. Your poem gave me those same thoughts. I’m very thankful I’m not in this position now but I have been in the past, so I know what that feeling is like.

    Love to you.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Such beautiful and anguished words, I feel your pain reading this. I also need people around me who lift me up, it’s hard when you feel surrounded by negative energy, or even just stagnant energy. You have to trust and follow your heart, it will help guide you to the right decision my friend.
    ::hugs::

    Liked by 1 person

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