Feeling Down, Restrained.

not feeling anyone cares for me
difficulty believing those talking to me care enough

how much do I want them to care? enough to give their life for me?
that wouldn’t change how I feel

so what does this mean for me?
it’s coming from inside me, that’s why what others do won’t ultimately change it

so what does this mean for me?
it means there’s a lot of hurt inside me that is creating this

so what does this mean to me?
Can I get rid of this hurt deep inside me? If I leave it there I feel it will keep coming out and disturbing me

what is this hurt for?
its for past feelings and past thoughts

what if you lived wholly in the present instead of spending time in the past?
then I would likely feel better. Is that safe, leaving the hurt there? Or will it eventually be replaced by new, good feelings, of life being enjoyable?


I feel undeserving of love.
Just putting that there, as a summary of my struggling afternoon thoughts.
Reading positives, thought shifting, despite everything positive I’m doing for myself today, that remains and restrains me.

(11-12 December 2014)


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