Today just got beyond my ability to manage. I feel so low and so dark and pushing that all aside seems the only way to get by right now – as much as I hate the consequences of doing so.
So much of my life has been upset, uncomfortable, distressed, distraught, depressed, alone… When these feelings jump up again it knocks me down horribly. It scares me to be in this space again. I loathe it so much and I’d do anything to not be there/here.
Feeling like a failure for not managing to embrace it all, as came to me on the weekend [previous post].
Words reach out to me, and The Darkness denies every word of support I hear. I question it in order to understand what is going on, but it maintains silence to my investigation.
Will I survive tonight, Will I survive whatever tomorrow brings? I suspect I will, just as I have before many times. Yet unsettling doubt stems from the growing pain of experiencing this over and over again. And the desire to escape it all, to…
…is so very strong.