Not out of bed and already
I’m hiding away today,
away from the pain.
But I will choose not to.
I will choose to feel the pain completely.
To push out in the opposite direction.
An experiment in being totally vulnerable.
I will not cover up or mask my feelings.
I will own them and travel with them today
and maybe I will find my way through this.
Feel the pain.
Journey with it today.
Don’t despise it.
Love it and learn from it.
My “mission statement” for today. I shared this via messages to friends, before getting up and heading out and meeting them at a pop culture expo in town.
One responded with “And I will hold your hand and catch you if you stumble”. I am grateful for my amazing friends.
I would have liked to just spend time resting and quietly being with some of them today, but there was much to see and do and 12 year olds to be kept busy.
I had a great day again, like yesterday, connecting with Artists and craftists and people in costume. I gave to them and they reciprocated energy back and we all parted a little lighter and happier than before.
I love people. Its so easy to open up to people you haven’t met before but have common interests with.
I did not struggle with the pain while I was out. It did not exist because my energy levels were somewhere else altogether. In a good way, I was not me. But at the same time I was wholely and honestly me. I was being someone so far away from the pain, that coming back to it at home was quite strange.
Even being home I acted through the pain by accepting it and pushing myself gently to some outside tidying up activities in the warm evening air.
I feel that I negotiated my day successfully. I have no regrets for today, only valuable lessons learnt through hard work.