The Problem With (a) Marriage.

20 years we’ve lived together
and if you ask me about her –
about us
My thoughts spring straight to
a list of faults
failings

20 years of activities together
all tainted by my memories
of negativity
How most of the times
were disappointing
unsatisfactory

Today’s feelings are “why bother?”

It’s easy to blame someone else
and I am aware of
the problems with that course
It’s a harder road
to accept yourself as
contributing to it all

Different approaches to relationships

First it was “two become one”
join together, strive together
grow together
Each half contributing to
the development
of a whole

Religious commandments

But never any further explanation
or helpful guidance
idealistic
Not realistic for two young people
with little to no experience
of an actual loving home

What if one side contributes significantly less
and the other is struggling
What if communication channels
are crackly, full of static
and mostly ineffective
What if even the basics
of a functioning two-way relationship
are not even there?

Now I hear “fulfil yourself first”
supply your own needs
then let it flow over
Coming together is about
aligning contribution
rather than need

The free-thinker’s approach

And if you need assistance?
never learnt much self fulfilment
relying on honest support
If you are looking for a companion
with who to learn through life
What will your journey be?

Lost. Entered a relationship
to find myself
Found someone
just too close to me
So alike, and so different
Both needing something
unable to give

(28 August 2014)

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4 thoughts on “The Problem With (a) Marriage.

  1. Peter, such a moving poem. I wrote a poem titled Out of the Ashes, for our 25th wedding anniversary. The last four lines are:-

    Out of the ashes of yesterday’s fire
    A bud begins to grow
    What the end result will be
    Does anyone ever know?

    I thought my husband would hate it, but he wept and he loved it. That was when I knew our marriage would survive.

    Hugs

    Like

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