Occasionally I roll over
But there is no motivation to move from here
No desire to do any of
the normal daily actions:
eat, drink, shower, clothed, go to work
Nothing else matters
but drifting in and out of sleep
Time passes slowly but this doesn’t bother me
Put my earphones in for some music
and drift away again
A thought questions if I am really tired from illness
or perhaps avoiding facing up to life
I don’t care
Negative motivation factor
keeps me cocooned in comfort
Cold air creeps in through a gap in the covers
normally this would unsettle me immediately
I don’t care
and slowly drift away again
Another thought questions if this is depression
maybe it is
but then those stupid drugs aren’t working
I don’t really care
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42 Days Younger than Kylie 
Peter your honest authenticity moves me deeply. I don’t know your particular feelings, your pain, but your words resonate with me in that deepest of places. For me, this is grief. The reality of confronting death and mortality, something the world seems hell bent on trying to avoid. We use words like passed, loss, instead of died and death. And then when we are confronted with the mortality of those close to us, and therefore our own, we’re overwhelmed.
In my opinion there’s nothing wrong with taking to your bed, not fully able to understand why, just knowing that this is what you need to do for now. Yes there’s depression, also terms like complicated grief, but grief is often complicated. I’m a firm believer in listening to your body and your inner being, seeking help if you think you need it, riding the storm if you think you can.
With affection, empathy and gratitude for your courageous honesty.
Tricia xx
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Thankyou for generously expressing your feelings too Tricia. I wholeheartedly appreciate every word you have shared here.
Labelling it as grief sits very comfortably and offers respite from the questions that were overbearing me.
From all of your grief sharing I have an understanding of it’s complicatedness and individualness and that alone has been a big help for me the past 7 months.
Your comments and kindness have been the biggest positive influence for me as I journey through this new land which is stranger even than that which came before. I trust my courage and openness will continue to bear fruit.
xx
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