Death in Two Parts.

Most of the time
I don’t feel anything good
that I used to
And no matter what I’ve tried
what we’ve both tried
I can’t get that back
Is there more we can do?
I’m just so tired of trying
and of being disappointed
Over and over
Energy levels and enthusiasm
have long ago drained
And all I can wonder is
Whether I’m even capable
of feeling those feelings any more
After everything
Is my heart just too broken
to ever be truly whole again?

Even illness
warping my mental state
releasing me
from the responsibility
of passing judgement
Gave no comfort
Only putting off
the foreboding feelings
something isn’t right.

Back on my feet again
Sleeping at night
instead of during the day
Managing work better
All the time feeling
this current relationship
is not what I can live with
is not what I want for my life
doesn’t inspire me
And that making do
with such compromise
is a shortcut to my death.

Will this kill me?
Will this kill you?
No, but there is a vast difference
between not being dead
and being truly alive.


2 thoughts on “Death in Two Parts.

  1. “there is a vast difference
    between not being dead
    and being truly alive.”

    Wow. Yes. You’ve hit upon an essential truth with those words.

    “making do
    with such compromise
    is a shortcut to my death”

    These are feelings I’ve also struggled with. Thank you for sharing. I really responded to this poem.


    • I’m glad you picked up on those two parts, they are very important for me also.
      Thankyou so much for sharing your connection and adding to the discovery.
      Something is happening for me at the moment, there are changes afoot. I have been focussing on more positive scenarios and possibilities and seeing a glimpse of light at the end of this long dark tunnel that I have been travelling so many years. Maybe I’m mistaken, or just maybe there is hope for the future where there was none before.


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