You collapsed on the bed

A phone call
in the middle of the night
A sleepy blur
A dash

Letting myself in
I saw, you on the floor
Surrounded by ambulance officers
and medical equipment

Nothing to do
But wait
Talk
Comfort

I’m sorry, she said
There’s been no response
after forty minutes
He’s gone

Lying there so still
No movement
Not even a heartbeat
Yet calm and Peaceful

You said you were ready
No fear
Just acceptance
Your faith was strong

I held your hand
Just like in the hospital
Beneath a white sheet
Touch to remember

We selected pyjamas
And dressed you then
Talked to you
Closed your eyes
Dignity

Then they came
And took you away
With care and respect
Goodbye, for now

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8 thoughts on “You collapsed on the bed

  1. Dear Peter, I couldn’t comment when I first read this, it was so like my husband’s death. The only difference was I was with him when he collapsed and held him as the light of life left his eyes. They worked on him for almost an hour but I knew in my heart he was gone.
    Death came suddenly, steathily and would not be turned away.
    I may not comment on all your posts, but know my heart is with you as you journey along the roads of grief.
    Hugs
    Tricia. xx

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  2. Oh Peter, this must have been so terrifying. Sudden is so hard – there are many platitudes ‘he’s no longer suffering’ etc – but he’s gone and it hurts.. End of. I’m sorry and I’m here for you x

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    • Thankyou for your loving thoughts Pooky. This wasn’t a scary experience for me at all, a different matter for his partner though. I cope and do what needs to be done – that seems to be how I am. I am glad I was able to be there that night, not just to assist, but to play a part in saying my own personal goodbye in the way I know how – by helping.

      There have been numerous moments with pangs of pain and thankfully I have been able to pause, acknowledge and accept during those times.

      I am realising now how much writing about all this lets me connect with my feelings and cope with the emotion. Write and release…

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