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Update.

Life is tiring.
The last 18 months and more has taken it’s toll.
My body is exhausted.
With that comes mental struggles.
I have people helping me.
Friends and professionals.
Lately it is not enough.
I am in emotional pain.
Distraught. Struggling.
I barely manage a few hours of functioning each day.
And I need daily time to write it all out of my head.
It’s the only way to survive.
I want to read your words.
I want to connect with your feelings.
Honestly. I long to connect with you all.
Please remember me.
As I remember you all. Daily.
I occasionally drop by your writings when able.
Otherwise please forgive my extended absence.
You are already missed.

I will keep posting my own journey below.
Please stay in touch.

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Looking for a like-minded Poet.

Something is not right
Not to say something is wrong.
Trying to uncover the persistent feeling of lack
Of missing-ness
Is looking for an unknown.
Will I recognise it when I see it?

I feel so tired and down
To do things for myself
To self-fulfil
The connection and love
That i feel is lacking
But knowing that I am capable
Of these
Is a step forwards.

I want to converse
These topics from verse
But the conversations I imagine
Have not been forthcoming
Who will comprehend
Help my consciousness ascend?
Answers I do not require
A small understanding may inspire
Me to connect in bigger ways
Bring energy to my days

(19 October 2014)

Liking People, Like Me.

I keep crossing paths with this man
He seems confident, funny, intelligent
And I see that he is caring, open, not shy of his vulnerability
He seems to genuinely love his friends
And sometimes I hear him talking with love about his brother and sister

I feel like I’m getting to know him
Over time
I like what I’ve seen and
Wouldn’t mind getting to know him better
His friends, our mutual friends,
Have high praise for him
They confirm my observations

It’s not easy for me to make new friends
I’m usually so cautious about sharing myself
And risking rejection
But I’m feeling confident that eventually we’ll get on really well
And maybe one day I could consider him
A really close friend
That would be nice

(14 October 2014)
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Real Words

wbdeejay:

[ My first blog poem entry. Re-shared two years later. Happy blog birthday to me! ]

Originally posted on 42 Days Younger than Kylie:

No stuff
No things
Use real words
For describing

Don’t leave gaps
Within your diction
Find the nouns
To suit description

Real words record
convey clear function
Avoid ambiguity
Enhance comprehension

This way forward
Words in hand
Bold and decisive
We will understand

View original

Halflife Too.

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Life feels like a game
First person perspective
Open world
But a linear path storyline
Replaying the same sections
over and over
trying to get them right
to progress to the next level
Sometimes stressful, intense
How do I get past this blocking point?
Just luck
or careful observation and execution?
NPCs encourage us along
But ultimately our role is the key
To the story
The goal
Some victory
Or is the princess in another castle?

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Invisible Barrier.

Overwrought by feeling
Sadness and criticism
Not helping myself
Struggling to go on
Struggling with everything
Stopped feeling the outside world
Everyday words
Everyday touch, hugs
Fail to reach through
The invisible barrier
Surrounding me
I sense it’s isolating effect
Try to punch through
It flexes and stretches
Stifles my screams
Alone
How can anyone reach me
Reach through these smothering surroundings

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Welcome to the Real World.

Asking myself, “How have I grown?”

I have grown by focussing on the positive aspects of myself and reinforcing their development.
I have invested time in friendships.
And Opened up with vulnerability in relationships.
I have helped others and through doing so helped myself.
I have relied on others and given myself space to fail.

(16 October 2014)

Not A Stranger.

I’m discovering a relationship
That I didn’t really know
Because I was uncomfortable asking
It was easier to say nothing and wonder
Not that doing so was particularly easy

A relationship of understanding,
Companionship and love
Of life and dreams, sharing and enjoying
I’m learning about this relationship
Now that my Dad is gone

(25 Sept 2014)

Relapse.

Stomach pains and exhaustion
Assail my previously positive self
Familiarity eases this little
Mood plummets as mental and physical energy disappear
All I have to get me through
Is words of guidance
Repeating these words is all that saves me

“In this moment exhaustion feelings are here”

“In this moment negative thoughts are here”

“My thoughts & feelings don’t define me but I can bring a gentle awareness to them.”

(17 October 2014)