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Update.

Life is tiring.
The last 18 months and more has taken it’s toll.
My body is exhausted.
With that comes mental struggles.
I have people helping me.
Friends and professionals.
Lately it is not enough.
I am in emotional pain.
Distraught. Struggling.
I barely manage a few hours of functioning each day.
And I need daily time to write it all out of my head.
It’s the only way to survive.
I want to read your words.
I want to connect with your feelings.
Honestly. I long to connect with you all.
Please remember me.
As I remember you all. Daily.
I occasionally drop by your writings when able.
Otherwise please forgive my extended absence.
You are already missed.

I will keep posting my own journey below.
Please stay in touch.

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Welcome to the Real World.

Asking myself, “How have I grown?”

I have grown by focussing on the positive aspects of myself and reinforcing their development.
I have invested time in friendships.
And Opened up with vulnerability in relationships.
I have helped others and through doing so helped myself.
I have relied on others and given myself space to fail.

(16 October 2014)

Not A Stranger.

I’m discovering a relationship
That I didn’t really know
Because I was uncomfortable asking
It was easier to say nothing and wonder
Not that doing so was particularly easy

A relationship of understanding,
Companionship and love
Of life and dreams, sharing and enjoying
I’m learning about this relationship
Now that my Dad is gone

(25 Sept 2014)

Relapse.

Stomach pains and exhaustion
Assail my previously positive self
Familiarity eases this little
Mood plummets as mental and physical energy disappear
All I have to get me through
Is words of guidance
Repeating these words is all that saves me

“In this moment exhaustion feelings are here”

“In this moment negative thoughts are here”

“My thoughts & feelings don’t define me but I can bring a gentle awareness to them.”

(17 October 2014)

The Persistent Ghost of Disappointing Times.

Lingering chills
Memory spills
Desperate to distill
out these ill
feelings
Reeling reactions
Need a retraction
to sanctuary
Leave the past
Bury the dead
Still haunted
By ghost memories
Of unhappiness
And disappointment

[ these words sparked by Renee Novosel's poem , from where I borrowed the title and also the image below ]
IMG_2212.JPG [ Skull – Vincent van Gogh ]

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Finding Your way.

Don’t look back
Lest you trip and fall
On the tangles of negativity
Grabbing at your feet

Step forward
Purposefully, steadily
Slowly if needed, but
Keep momentum positive

Let thoughts backward
Be of today’s joys
Or yesterday’s positives
For energy to propel you onwards

The pain and exhaustion
Is fleeting, don’t dwell there
Move onwards, each moment
Find your better times

Samantha Webber isolation-300x300

ʌɪsəˈleɪʃ(ə)n

She said
You are not alone.
You are never alone.

Yet I feel that way

I put up walls
Meant to protect me
Instead they block the energies
Of others reaching me

Think about this

I am not sabotaging myself
I am seeking safety from harm
Yet the harm I perceive
Is outdated, antiquated

There is risk in loving
And being loved
But the rewards are much greater

Be brave
Be strong
Embrace the risk
Risk is good

Let the risk create vigour
Break through the barriers
And embrace others without fear

Grab hold of love, comfort, companionship
Accept them into your being
Receive affection, friendship

You are not alone.

.

[ahy-suh-ley-shuh n]

.

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